IMU

Just Jump Here

2011-04-06T10:26:00.000+01:00

Lots of posts and updates for you on the main website.
Read more.
Links that might interest you are:
The Confidence Report
The Confidence Forum
And why not sign up for my FREE fortnightly e-letter from the home page? It is full of confidence tips and stories. We load previous editions on the Blog.

And finally if you are on Facebook you can also 'like' The Confidence Coach on Facebook - for hot news, offers and events. The current thank you to my Facebook followers is a fun profiling quiz...

All these links and ideas should keep you happy, confident and upbeat, so enjoy a productive week!

Ever Positive,
Eilidh

Talk Confidence Update

2009-08-24T17:43:00.006+01:00

Check out The Confidence Coach- Positive person's virtual diary, Talk Confidence broadcasts, Be inspired! - Eilidh's Talk Confidence Newsletters are stored here...
Weekly blogs are now posted on Eilidh Milnes, The Confidence Coach website

Couple of current hot topics - redundancy and student debt.

You might also enjoy the Confidence Club Forum

Redundancy-Risks-Happy Teachers-Educators-Education-Tips-Resources-Student Debt-Employment Options-Meeting New People-Weight Matters-Handbags and Hipbones-Love, Life Fridge Magnets and the Universe et al...

Hope to see you posting there very soon. There have been 4527 page view since the Confidence Club Forum launch at the end of April.

Is there a link & Twittering?

2009-01-27T15:35:00.009Z

Watching BBC2 Working Lunch today and Declan Curry stated that bank rates are up (hallelujah!) and beer consumption is down (about 8%) is there a link I wonder?

If you live in the Cheshire/Chester/Kelsall area try out the Oak.

This is a pub/resto that will defy the statistics and do well despite the recession because it is doing things that others don't do. Michael Gass says, "When times are good, you should advertise. When times are bad, you must advertise." And by positioning itself on the web like this the Oak is raising the bar (pun intended!) I agree with Michale and take the advice of an expert. My ad budget and media campaign this year is very focused.

In your life, are you doing things to differentiate yourself? Are you broadcasting your successes? Praising your team? Buddying up and taking the load from others who are struggling? Do you have lazer vision to keep you on the right track?

If you want to increase your visibility then join Twitter and if you wish you can follow me there... just look for EilidhMilnes

What is Twitter?

Twitter is a FREE service for friends, family, and colleagues to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing right now?

Goal Setting tips - linked to January 2009 ezine

2009-01-19T13:36:00.004Z

Here are some common sense ideas that can make a big difference in your general wellbeing - simple goal setting strategies:

1. List your personal commitments in order of importance, eg family, extended family, friends, relaxation, hobbies or leisure activities.
2. Break down your working day into categories such as business or topic development, internal meetings, seminars and so on. Make a comprehensive list.
3. Allocate time to each activity in point 2 (include weekends).
4. Look at the big picture. Regardless of whether you think you have any choice, are you devoting too much time to work at the expense of your personal life? If you are and this is causing you anxiety, it’s time to act. Think about what your ideal work/life balance would be.
5. Look for a mentor/business friend/coach for input.
6. Set realistic goals. If you currently work 12-hour days, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to change to an eight-hour day straightaway. However, improved time-management can enable you to finish earlier.
7. Reward yourself every time you make progress.
8. Be selfish with every second. Stop doing things that are a waste of your time. Rationalise. Use your time to the maximum benefit.
9. Improve your habits. We all make to-do lists... Now create stop lists, ie stop checking email every hour – check it at 9am and 5pm only. Stop watching so much television.
Stop drinking that extra glass of alcohol. Stop forwarding unnecessary emails. Stop unnecessary meetings. Stop the pity parties.
10. Delegate tasks to others – learn to let go. Consider outsourcing some of your management activities to external suppliers such as a freelance book-keeper or bursar.
11. Take regular breaks. Removing yourself from the location for some fresh air will make you less stressed, more focused.

This is an excerpt taken from my book "Love your Life... Survive the System..."
And further goal setting tips are posted on previous blog entries.

Cool Fat Cats - New Website Built on My MacBookAir

2008-12-03T20:48:00.005Z

Cannot believe how much fun I am having with a laptop!
Am beginning to doubt my sanity or if I am developing a form of girlie-geek OCD!

It's just that working on a Mac as opposed to a PC is revolutionary!
Kyle did tell me that Macs worked on intuition and so expected me to find the process of learning much easier and quicker to understand.
Yes yet again #1 son is right.
In fact when it comes to matters IT Kyle is seldom wrong.

Take a sneaky peek here.

Hope you like :)

Less Red Tape and more pink knicker elastic...

2008-11-17T08:35:00.003Z

The quotation "Less Red Tape and more pink knicker elastic..." according to Google should be attibuted to the Kiwis. Although yesterday the speaker at the 44th Annual Lunch of the Soroptimist Intl Newcastle and District gave the credit to the Girl Guides. So maybe they are both right the the Girl Guide Movement in New Zealand first used the expression that really captured my imagination.

I do believe if we had more common sense and practical application of simple economic principles then the country and the world for that matter, would not be in the state of financial crisis that it finds itself today.

The objects of Soroptimism and laudable and commendable. Why not read more at this site.

Power of Friendship

2008-11-10T10:08:00.007Z

Have just returned from a highly enlightening and entertaining conference. It was the 9th annual convention of the Professional Speakers' Association and I had the pleasure and privilege to run a workshop entitled "Be a Hero!"

What amazes me about these events is how kind, helpful and thoughtful the delegates are - not to mention inspiring and motivational! I have come back with so many great ideas and links to potential clients and business associates that my desk is overflowing and my "To Do!" list is ever expanding!

One of the things I promised a delegate was to link her to this site. And Mindy Gibbins-Klein - here it is!

Mindy was instrumental in me publishing my book "Love your Life... Survive the System!" and I cannot thank her enough for the help and support she gave me.

I now the Past President of the Manchester/North West Chapter and leave the branch in the very capable hands of Elaine Hanzak. She will drive the branch forward with fresh ideas and enthusiasm and support PSA in our theme for our year of "Astronomical Aspirations!"

I am thrilled to have been asked to join the board and am delighted to be able to help.

If there is anything I can do to help you - just holler

IMU is Back!

2008-11-06T15:17:00.003Z

13 months later and here I am back on IMU Blog.
Book is published! Sales are going rather well even tho' I say so myself. This is due in no small part to the efforts of my superb support system and business team... not to mention the public who are out there buying it!

So by popular demand, this Blog has been re-activated and you can look out for weekly postings and maybe more depending on my workload.

Saying that, off now to the Professional Speaker's Conference at the Forest of Arden Golf & Country Club. Looking forward to a fantastic weekend and speaking of course! It will be an enlightening and entertaining time for all. Did I say this was work?

Bon Weekend to you too!

Love your life...survive the system

2007-10-11T07:46:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was a great day! I spent it in Birmingham IOD with Mindy Gibbins-Klein the 'Book Midwife.'

As a result, I have a plan - we worked on the mindmap for my book- now it is full ahead main engines!

As many of you know, the purpose of the Blog was to get me writing everyday. Now it is time to leave the Blog for a while and concentrate on getting the book published.

So thank you for visiting IMU. Leave me a comment or email me via the web-site, if you want advance copy of the book launch.

You might be wondering what the book title is.... well it may be altered slightly.... but at the moment it is, "Learn to Work the System and Love your Job again..." or the title of the Blog perhaps.... 90 days and counting!

Sisterhood

2007-10-10T07:09:00.000+01:00

Amy and Ann were in the salon yesterday. Amy kindly read aloud this story for us. I had forgotten that I had put it with some client information. It was inspired by an email I received some time ago. I hope it cheers you now...and you may want a tissue handy....

A young woman sat with her mother on the sofa drinking tea... and as they did so they talked about life, marriage and the obligations of adulthood. The mother thoughtfully turned to her daughter.

“Don’t forget your sisters,” she advised. "They’ll be more important to you as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need your sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then, do things with them from time to time…and remember that by sisters I mean ALL the women in your life… your girlfriends, your daughters and all your other women relatives too. You’ll need other women. Women always do.”

What a funny piece of advice the young woman thought. Am I not an adult woman now? Haven’t I just gotten married? Haven’t I just joined the couple world? I’m now a married woman for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile. Nonetheless, she listened to the mother she loved. She kept contact with her sisters and naturally made more women friends as each year passed.

And as the years rolled by, she gradually realised that her mum really did know what she was talking about. Sisters were the mainstays of her life!

And after more than 50 years of living in the world, here is what I have learned…
Time passes…life attacks happen…distance separates…children grow up and leave home…loved ones die…jobs come and go…and so does love…. men do not do always what they are supposed to do…hearts break…colleagues forget favours…people let you down and .. careers end…

But through it all your Sisters are there. Sisters are never far away. Sisters are there, no matter how many miles …. countries and continents are between you. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life with be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, championing for you, intervening on your behalf and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end.

Sometimes sisters will even break the rules and walk beside you… or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, mothers-in-law aunts, nieces, cousins, your hairdresser, beauty therapist/image consultant and extended family all bless our life! The world wouldn’t be the same without women and neither would I.

When I began this adventure of life called womanhood I had no idea of the incredible joys and sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did I know how much I would need my sisters… every day we need each other still.

Who are the special women in your life? Who helps to make your life meaningful? Add a comment and let me know…and why not mail your sisters to read the Blog today.... so that they know how much you love them? I am going to do that to my sisterhood right now…

Listen oh Listen!

2007-10-09T07:34:00.000+01:00

My heritage is Scottish. This is the root of 'Eilidh', which is Gaelic for Helen. My clan motto is ‘Listen o’ Listen!’ - perfect for a professional speaker and coach! My ancestors would have shouted our battle cry, ‘Listen o’ Listen!’ at warrior opponents, as they came hurtling down the Scottish Highlands brandishing their claymores. My modern day approach does not physically threaten my clients however; I do connect powerfully with their emotions via the media of storytelling, relevant anecdotes and using the power of rapport.

In my experience, stable and securely grounded relationships are at the core of most significant aspects of a happy life. Quality relationships are key. It is essential in both personal and business matters that good, solid foundations are established from the outset. Good relationships then facilitate the success of common goals and objectives. Good relationships can become exceptional relationships. When I look at couples with successful marriages for example; the synergy within that family; the rapport they have developed has been instrumental in allowing them to further extend meaningful relationships to friends and worthwhile business pursuits.

The most significant aspects of your will life have sophisticated and highly developed relationships based on rapport. Little things make a BIG difference, sometimes seemingly insignificant or small interactions between with others are the important ones. Take listening for example, it is a very under-rated skill. When we understand how simple interactions work, we can use them to build rapport. We have to understand the other person. NLP is one method that can assist us to do this. Note I did not say, “Try to understand;” for as Yoda said, “There is do or not do, there is no try!” If you only try, then you will use NLP as a techinique and others see through techniques. If you embrace the theory behind the process and make it part of your everyday communications and dialogue then you will truly benefit and reap the rewards of your effort.

I have lady, who has been a client for some time. We have developed a relationship of mutual respect and trust. During a session, she told me about her imminent IVF treatment. She voiced concerns. She was very nervous and feared the unknown. Without thinking, I matched her tone. She leant forward to give me very personal information and I matched her body language and unconsciously mirrored her facial expressions. The client and I used similar pitch and pace within our speech patterns. For me, this is an automatic response, as I am able to call on my people skills. If you are not confident in this way, then I suggest you consider attending basic NLP training. By so doing you may develop a better understanding of what goes on between yourself and others - figuring out how how they think, realising what they want and understanding what makes them tick. I studied NLP during my coaching diploma, however, I learned as much if not more as a child watching my mother interact with others. The coaching course supported and consolidated my personal experiences.

I gave my client time to voice her concerns. I used active listening skills and empathy then suggested she might speak to a colleague, who is a retired GP and works for the charity “Foresight". It helps couples who are planning a family. Foresight encourages them to be in the best of health. The preconceptual approach of the charity can help with overcoming issues in connection with conception, pregnancy and birth. My client left happier and more relaxed about her future and the pending medical treatments. She felt more in control. In addition, she booked an appointment, kissed me as she left, we hugged and we laughed saying how much we looked forward to our time together.

Little things- like active listening -do make a BIG difference!

Twelve Tips for Talks

2007-10-08T07:42:00.000+01:00

If you have to make a talk, presentation or attend an interview you may find these tips useful:

Keep comments positive
Practise so that your confidence increases
Work on your ‘ums and errs’
Never apologise or say “I’m sorry I don’t do this very often…” or something similar
Do not say “I’m nervous!”
Keep your head up and speak slowly and clearly
Beware OHP or Power Point Presentations (maximum of 3 points per slide) again practise is essential
Use 3x5 cards if you need an aide memoir – avoid loose pieces of paper
Keep your watch on - use a timer
Do not take Dutch courage or smoke prior to the event
Empty your pockets of loose change - avoid the distraction of jangling coins
Thank your audience or interview panel

Core Message Tip
Whenever we communicate, we convey a message. Otherwise the process is not communication, but simply making a noise. The art of good communication is to be able to convey the right message, in the right way, at the right time, to the right audience.

The essence of a message can always be distilled down to a core, being the precise detail that we wish to impart. The task of a great speaker, is to ensure that the "audience takeaway" is the same as the core message you planned.

There are several ways to create memorable messages. Try to think of words and phrases that are a little unusual, or conjure up an image. If your message is “seen” as a picture, it will be much more memorable. Groucho Marx used to tell a story about the value of words. He asked a little boy whether he preferred radio or TV.
“Radio” replied the boy at once “because the pictures are better”.

So, always try to conjure up an image in the mind of your audience. Engage their senses, stir their passions, and make your speech the one that they will remember.

The core message is the key.
For example, here's an extract from one of Churchill's great wartime speeches -

"We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France. We shall fight on the seas and oceans. We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender."

Of the eighty-one words in this extract, only nine have more than one syllable. Only four have more than two. The power of that passage is immense. I felt it myself while just typing it, and I hadn't been born when it was delivered.

My friend Merryn Myatt, was on Radio 2 talking to Jeremy Vine recently. They were discussing public speaking. Merryn stated, "The standard newsreading speed (which everyone can grasp!) is three words to the second. That translates to 180 words to the minute, but bring that down to 150 per minute because you want to pause for laughter or dramatic effect. So if you're planning a 2 minute speech, you know to prepare approximately 150 words. That way, you never need a clock." This is an excellent method of measuring the length of a talk.

Remember that the greatest speeches are nearly always simple. So the pneumonic could be KISS - KEEP IMPORTANT SPEECHES SIMPLE!

World Smile Day

2007-10-05T07:22:00.000+01:00

Smile!

Debbie Catt and Chris Davidson and I are all speakers. We had our monthly, mastermind meeting yesterday. We stopped for lunch and switched on the radio. Just at that precise moment, Jeremy Vine was interviewing someone we knew – Merryn Myatt (merryn@myattmedia.com) And she was talking about a subject very close to our hearts – public speaking. Merryn has many years of experience as a newsreader on TV, so Jeremy had sought input from a media expert. Merryn gave tips and advice on how to present well. It was refreshing to hear someone speak in an informed and confident manner about our profession. We listened intently, nodding and agreeing with our friend. When the interview concluded we smiled to each other thinking, well done Merryn!

What will make you smile today? And did you know that it is World Smile Day? Yes, this year, on October 5, 2007 we celebrate World Smile Day®. As ever the theme for the day is, "Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile." And, as ever, the image that leads the way on this day is the smiley face. It may interest you to the origins of the Smiley Face. It was created in 1963 by Harvey Ball, a commercial artist from Worcester, Massachusetts. That image went on to become the most recognizable symbol of good will and good cheer on the planet. He thought that all of us, should devote one day each year to smiles and kind acts throughout that world. The smiley face knows no politics, no geography and no religion. Harvey’s idea was that for at least one day each year, neither should we. He declared that the first Friday in October each year would henceforth be World Smile Day®. So what can you do today to help someone?

There are so many tiny acts of kindness, which in themselves appear to amount to nought, however the cumulative result can be outstanding. Today, I am going to start by taking in my neighbour's wheelie bin, call my sister to offer her help with a technical problem, take my daughter breakfast in bed, sort our the donations for the charity shop and then my email clients to wish them happy smiley day...and that's all before breakfast!

What about you? List all the kind acts you do today... all the little things that no-one but you will ever know about about or comment on. It'll make you feel fantastic I assure you.

Smiling is infectious so make it a habit. It is impossible to be cross and stay angry, when you smile. So go ahead. What have you got to lose? Remember what it says on Cool Beans.... a smile is a great (not to mention inexpensive!) way to improve your looks and smiling creates less wrinkles than frowning....so smiling has to be the better option.

Go Grin! (See blog entry September 20th for more 'hello gorgeous' smiley ideas....)

Maria’s Memory Tips 2

2007-10-02T07:03:00.000+01:00

Memory is like muscular strength so “use it or lose it”! The more you work out your brain, the better you’ll be able to process and remember information.

My mother was in her mid-eighties when she died, however she had a razor sharp mind kept active by crosswords, anagrams, television quizzes, mental arithmetic, daily reading, writing and a general interest in the world around her. She was 85 going on 58!

Have healthy habits:

Treat your body well; it can enhance your ability to process and recall information.

Take Regular exercise:

Increase oxygen to your brain. This lowers the risk for disorders that lead to memory loss.

Reduce stress:

Research shows that the stress hormone can damage the brain; stress makes it difficult to concentrate and remember things.

Sleep like a baby:

Sleep is necessary for memory consolidation. Lack of sleep leaves you tired and unable to concentrate during the day.

No smoking!

Smoking constricts arteries that deliver oxygen to the brain.

Eat well:

A healthy diet based on fruits, vegetables, whole grains will provide lots of health benefits, but did you know that such a diet can also improve memory? Research indicates that vitamins and minerals nurture and stimulate brain function.

Give your brain a break:

Novelty and sensory stimulation are the foundation of brain exercise. If you change your routine in a challenging way, you will use brain pathways you were not using before.

Activities to help your memory:

Brush your teeth with your left hand as opposed to your right hand or vice versa. This will activate the little-used connections on the non-dominant side of your brain.
Or try a “neurobic” exercise that will force you to use your faculties in unusual ways e.g. shower and get dressed with your eyes closed or walk backwards up the stairs (carefully).
Sign up for a class in a subject you don’t know much about.
Take up a new strategy game such as poker or scrabble.
Cook up some menus using unfamiliar recipes. That’s the most effective way to keep your synapses firing… or perhaps that should be frying?
Learn a new poem or re-learn a favourite one from your childhood.

Finally, spaced repetition is also helpful, so let me reiterate two key points from Maria Memory Tips 1 on September 1st.

1. Consider taking Siberian ginseng with Ginkgo Biloba…I do. There are several hundred scientific studies showing the diverse benefits of these natural herbs and improved memory is one of them….the first challenge is to remember to take the supplement three times a day!

2. Be motivated and keep a positive attitude. Telling yourself you have a bad memory actually hampers the ability of your brain to remember, while positive mental feedback sets up an expectation of success. So note when you do remember things well and congratulate yourself.

Go Skip!

2007-10-01T07:40:00.000+01:00

Kyle called last night – it was time for a ‘Top Up!’ Kyle sounded very happy, as he is in Germany visiting the love of his life, Sarah. So we exchanged views and news. When it was Sarah’s turn to talk she came on the phone with her usual light-hearted tone and laughter. How infectious that is! Soon I was giggling and smiling too.

“You sound particularly happy this evening Sarah,” I commented. “What have you been up to today?”

“We’ve just been skipping home…and that was so-o much fun! I felt like a five-year old again!” She said with delight. I had visions of my six foot-two son, who is built for rugby and his fiancée who is petite and small by comparison, skipping home arm in arm and I found myself smirking and smiling even more.

We can all benefit from acting like a child more often. Revisit your childhood today and do something different, something out of the ordinary, something silly and fun – just for the heck of it! Many people take life far too seriously and miss out on so many simple pleasures. Don’t be one of them…

As for me? I am going to be skipping through today and having a lot of fun in the process. Why not join me ….

And if you come up with any other ideas that involve joyful activities associated with childhood, please share them with us.

Hung by the Tongue!

2007-09-29T08:20:00.000+01:00

Do you have the ability to reverse numbers and to jumble letters and words? I create “spoonerisms” on a regular basis. I think my brain is sometimes disconnected from my mouth and so I come away with such statements as, “Peanut butter me the fridge” which means that the peanut butter is in the fridge…I think!

This idiosyncrasy used to frustrate me. Jay, my husband would poke fun at me too. This did not go down well even though I knew his comments were not malicious. I still felt frustration. Then I read “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz. After reading this excellent book, I pointed out to Jay, that according to Maltz “one’s subconscious does not have a sense of humour”; and that his comments even though in jest – hurt. I suggested to Jay, that he kindly refrain from his jibes and banter? He insisted that he was only joking. And then one day Jay listened to my request…. after reading the book himself!

I strongly suggest we learn to live with our friends and family without the use of sarcasm and unkind comments. They can do untold damage. As Maltz explains, our subconscious cannot distinguish fact from fiction. So if you tell your loved one that they are for example, stupid, fat, or useless with money, then that person goes away and thinks about what you have just said. They mull it over and the subconscious will concentrate and focus on the comments – even if they are not true. Speak with care. Beware of getting ‘hung by your tongue!’

To find our more read “Psycho-Cybernetics” – I thoroughly recommend it.

For my part, I now accept that my brain and mouth work at different speeds! Fortunately, it is not what we say, but how we say it that actually matters. When we speak,

• 8% of the effect of the communication is in the words which are used

• 32% the tone of the voice

• 60% the attitude

I bear these facts in mind when I feel I am not working at my most coherent. I “swish” in the statistics and remember that many many people, including my family, say this quirk of mine is one of the things that makes me, me. It certainly means my audiences have to listen well to understand me at times! However, I continue to be a popular keynote speaker and coach and get many repeat bookings and referrals. The delegates can obviously identify with me and we have a lot of fun.

As it turns out, my inadequacy or as I prefer to say my idiosyncrasy, has in fact become my USP – my unique selling point! What is your USP?

So never be afraid to be yourself. Have fun and watch that tongue!

Are we ‘bovvered?’

2007-09-28T08:21:00.000+01:00

According to the Times September 25, 2007 Girls in UK are now bigger binge drinkers than boys and get drunk more often….They seem to be becoming more sexually assertive – behaviour also more usually associated with young males... Girls are far more critical of their bodies than boys…Young women narrow – rather than expand – their aspirations as they get older. ..

Let’s be ‘bovvered’ by such statistics. Let’s set a trend to act in a positive fashion, when greeted by such negative statements. It does not have to be this way.

If we are going to make a difference we have to stop accepting these facts at face value. Whatever happened to hard-won feminism? Feminists never saw themselves as victims of exploitation. It appears that many young people today do exactly that. We need to celebrate with the girls who retain their self respect. Praise the young women who are prepared to be modest and moderate in their behaviour. Respect the teenagers who want to be responsible young citizens.

One of my ‘Cool Beans™’ sayings is, “Children should live with champions and heroes!” The challenge for the young of today is to find a role model that they can identify with. We need to set the example with passive leadership, both as parents and as members of a civilised society. We need to stand up to the plate and become the heroes! Young adults do not respond to threats, such as being ‘grounded’ – few of us do. People treated in such a way become untrusting, unwilling and defensive. We need to become considerate and thoughtful, lead by example and develop comfortable relationships with our youth of today; after all they are our tomorrow.

Find a passive leader in your family or circle of friends – someone you can look up to, admire and edify. For my own part, I need look no further than my husband, Jay. With his quiet and firm ways he set a perfect example to our children. We had proof of this when Kyle reached the age of 17 and had earned his first sizeable pay cheque. For the first time in his life, Kyle was able to buy Christmas presents with his own hard earned cash. On Christmas morn, he presented his father a large and elegantly wrapped parcel. “For you, bud!” he said with a big hug. On opening, Jay found a beautifully framed, black and white signed print entitled ‘Posse’ depicting seven famous riders on horseback … John Wayne, Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood to mention but three…On the back, Kyle had written, “Dad, in your life, these men have been your heroes, but in my life you will always be my hero!”

Jay being Jay, did not say much. There was another big hug and special and knowing smile was exchanged between the two men in my life. They quietly acknowledged their love for each other this way….meanwhile the mother of the family had tears of joy and happiness running down her cheeks!

Let’s a raise the standards and set a good example ….go be a hero today!

If you are going through hell, keep going!

2007-09-27T07:55:00.000+01:00

I would love to take credit for the words “If you are going through hell, keep going.” However they belong to the great statesman Winston Churchill. His sentiments make a high impact headline and would not be out of place on a fridge magnet or my Cool Beans™ desktop for that matter.

Clients often share their experiences with me - good and bad. Many times as they leave the studio I think to myself, ‘There but for the grace of God, go I…’ The best advice Mr Churchill and I can offer at times of anguish and distress is... keep going. Circumstances do change for the better. It is important to focus on one or two things you can work on and achieve.

I am sure know the question –

“How do you eat an elephant?” with the answer -

“One bite at a time!”

If there is an issue in your life at the moment, concentrate on doing one thing each day. Keep the steps simple and do-able and most importantly keep doing them. And you know, in a relatively short period of time, you will be amazed at the difference in your life.

Keep on keepin’ on!

Maximise the Meeting

2007-09-26T06:48:00.000+01:00

One of my clients has just received a letter from her school regarding parent interviews. “What should you ask the teacher?” she enquired. I’ve sat on both sides of this one: as a mother of two and as a teacher. I learned that there are things parents can do before, during and even after the event to make the most of those meetings. Parent interviews are like most meetings - if you ask the right questions, you may just learn a few things. Here are some suggestions to maximise a parent /teacher meeting.

What to Do Beforehand

Take time before the appointment to jot down any questions so you won’t forget them. Your goal is to find out not only how your child is doing, but also ways you can help out at home. Here are my tips to help you prepare for the meeting but, of course, tailor your queries to your child and your concerns.
Briefly review your child’s latest schoolwork, tests, and assignments. Do you have any concerns or questions?
Talk to your child: Ask if there is anything he’d like you to ask his teacher (such as the homework schedule or when the library books are due). Also ask: “Is there anything you think the teacher will tell me that I don’t know?” Better to not be surprised…
Review teacher guidelines: Take a look at the classroom rules, holidays, homework and behaviour expectations, dress code, and contact numbers. Doing so may save you from taking time away from discussing your child’s progress. If you don’t have a school handbook, ask your child to bring one home.

What to Do During the Meeting

Be on time in fact be early. The teacher has only a set time to talk, so you should use it wisely. Walk in with an open mind and listen. You can always schedule another appointment later.
Take paper and a pencil to jot notes. Also bring the key questions you want answers to. You want to try to get an accurate assessment of how your child is doing academically, but also socially and emotionally. Here are a few questions you might want to ask:

School work: How is my child doing academically? Socially? Behaviourally? How is he doing on tests? Is there anything I can do to help?
Social skills: Does he fit in? How does he get along with others? Who does he play with or hang around with? Is there any child you think might be a good friend for him that he currently doesn't associate with?
Strengths and weaknesses: What are his strengths? His strongest subjects? What about weaknesses? Is he keeping up? Should we be concerned? What can we do at home to help?
Homework: How much time should he spend on it each night? Is he turning it in on time? Is there a list of books he should be reading at home? Is there a homework schedule? You may also want to inquire about scheduled book reports or upcoming projects. The goal is to find out if your child is not only doing his homework and turning it in, but if it’s also done at the level the teacher expects.
Emotional well-being: Does he seem comfortable and happy in the classroom? Does he appear confident and willing to participate?
Behaviour: How does my child behave around adults and other kids? Is he polite and respectful?
Teacher contact: What is the best way to reach you? (i.e., email, phone, note).
Your role: If you are so inclined, ask if there is anything you can do to help out in the classroom or outside of school.
Problems: If the teacher does mention a problem (a learning disability, a behaviour concern, low test scores), stay open and gather as much information as possible. Your goal is to find out what the teacher plans to do to help remedy the problem, how significant an issue it is, and how you can reinforce the plan at home. Find out how you will know if the problem is improving or escalating. Let her know you want to stay on top of things. Figure out how the two of you will monitor the issue together.

What to do After the Event

Go home and share what you learned with your child. Always start with positive praise and if there is a concern discuss how you and his teacher will monitor things so there is an improvement. Then commit to doing what you discussed. Share the plan with the family.

If you still have concerns schedule another conference in a week or so.
Consider writing a note of thanks to the teacher.

Good Morning Gorgeous x 2

2007-09-20T13:47:00.000+01:00

We are all responsible for our attitudes and one of the most basic and most important things we do for our own self image and self belief is smile…

Go ahead, smile at your computer screen right now! Take a few seconds…can you broaden that smile, add a twinkle to your eyes and laugh out loud too?

Well done! How do you feel? Marginally better? And the more often you do this the better you will feel. So logically, why not smile if it makes you feel good?

What you must realise it that the expression you wear on your face is more important that the clothes you wear on your back. Your smile, or lack thereof, will leave a lasting impression.

When you look in the mirror in the morning what do you see? What do you say to yourself? Do you see signs of aging, frown lines and a poor complexion? Or do you look in the mirror and say,

“Good Morning Gorgeous!”

I do! And you know I feel great every day.

Why not try this simplest of techniques?

I challenge you for the next seven days to speak kind words of encouragement to yourself and start from the get go. Print yourself a post-it note and put it on your bathroom mirror. This note is your uplifting morning greeting to yourself. And “Good Morning Gorgeous!” and “Smile!” are great ways to start any day.

Most of us want to stay younger looking for as long as possible. Frowning causes more wrinkles than smiling. “Smile more,” do I hear you say?

In my publication, “Cool Beans,” I reinforce PMA with over sixty positive thoughts.

The urban dictionary describes ‘cool beans’ as an adjective to describe something very favourable, splendid, delightful, sweet and awesome…

Is your life “Cool Beans?” If not, start with smiling more.

One of the statements in the desktop is, “A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks!” Now isn’t that a fact?

Children need no encouragement to smile and laugh. An adult laughs on average 15 times a day. A young child laughs around 400 times a day….Find that child within you and smile and laugh at every opportunity.

And knowing that research is now proving that people with good PMA and who smile and laugh a lot; also live longer what more do I need to add?

Perhaps you feel I am stating the obvious… I would argue that from the number of glum faces I see every day in companies and car parks that is it obvious that many people are either ignorant or ignoring these basic facts.

“When you smile the whole world smiles with you…” Try it! And please do let me know the results…

Don’t Quit!

2007-09-19T13:13:00.000+01:00

Top Ten Success Tips

1. Think like you want to be…
It is hard to be happy, joyful and successful; if you don't think that you are a happy, joyful, and successful person. Think it first. Then do it! Talk it into existence. Successful sports professionals visualise themselves cross the finishing lines and collecting the gold medals’ long before such events materialise. You need to adopt the same mental attitude.

2. Smile!
There's no arguing with this one -- research has shown the smiling has both psychological and physiological effects. So, put a smile on your face and you'll be on your way to a change in attitude!

3. Immerse yourself
Read books, ezines, articles and magazines that help you understand and adopt your new attitude. Watch films or listen to music that inspire you and encourages you to change. Purchase uplifting personal development CDs for your car and turn your vehicle into a travelling university.

4. Change your actions…
It is difficult to change your attitude, if you keep doing the same old stuff the same old way. Do things differently to start thinking differently. Embrace change. Consider reading, “Who Moved My Cheese” or “Polar Bear Pirates” great little books on change. Do not be fooled by their simplicity.

5. Change your environment
Make your environment reflect the attitude you wish to have. Create the physical space that makes you eager to change. Start by having a clear out! Do some life laundry! Your wardrobe is a great place to start. Many of us wear only 25% of our clothes. Be ruthless and black bag it! The charity shops will be grateful and you will feel all the better for the de-clutter.

6. Follow the leader
Find someone who already has the attitude you wish to have. Follow their lead, learn from their example.

7. Help others (and help yourself)
One of the fastest ways to change your attitude is to take the focus off yourself and to help others in need. Take part a in a sponsored event. This is a win/win as the charity benefits for the funds and you feel better and get fitter into the bargain.

8. Get a little help from your friends
Contact your good friends and tell them what you're doing and enlist their support to help you change and give you ideas. The more you feel like you're part of a group effort; the more likely you are to be successful.

9. Work with a pro…
If the change you desire to make is a big one or is extremely radical, consider getting the help coach. Professionals can reduce the time and frustrations involved; as well as provide you with many new ideas to help you grow.

10. Be patient
Recognize that most changes occur slowly, over an extended period of time. If you don't get immediate results, don't be surprised. Keep working, it'll come.

Most importantly, DON'T QUIT!

Daily Positive Input

2007-09-17T09:55:00.001+01:00

We can all do with a daily dose of positivity. You might like to have an upbeat quotation or thought provoking story hit your email box every day. If so, register with: subscription@mydailyinsights.com

Here are today’s wise words from William Arthur Ward:

“Optimists enrich the present, enhance the future,

challenge the improbable and attain the impossible.”

And if you know of another good source of similar information then please post a comment with the details. Thank you.

Famous Quote for a Sunday

2007-09-16T09:35:00.000+01:00

"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Saint Francis

Relationship Glue

2007-09-14T14:58:00.000+01:00

It’s the little things we do that make the difference in life… and I had proof of that only yesterday…

I was a little tired and preoccupied as I returned from a training day with UKTI. Walking towards the front door of our home I was surprised to see a ‘Forever Bear’ sitting atop the security camera. I stopped in my tracks and did a mental re-run … that bear had not been there this morning…was that not Jay’s bear?… his travelling teddy…the one the children gave him years ago to keep him company on his trips abroad? If it was… and here it was greeting me at the doorstep then that must mean that Jay was home early?

I stepped in tentatively calling, ‘Hello-oo is anyone there?.... Catriona…is your father home?…’ I began searching the rooms …had Jay really made it home already… he was not due back for another 48 hours. Let’s face it, I was booked to collect him from the airport…

And then there he was, standing before me larger than life and with a big, silly grin on his face! Well my delight and excitement were uncontrollable as I did not know what to do first –

jump up and down
kiss him
hug him
all of the above several times over again

He certainly could not accuse me of giving him a lukewarm reception! For a few moments, I chastised him for not telling me that he was coming back from the Middle East two days early and then I stopped and laughed with him and revelled in the thrill of the surprise.

Taking the time and making the effort to surprise someone with a thoughtful gesture is a wonderful thing to do. I loved what Jay did! And what a great example he is to his children. These are magical relationship gestures – they are the glue that keeps us together…. Relationship glue I call it…

What can you do this weekend to surprise someone you love? Make someone feel special and treasured. And there is a bonus in that you will feel great about yourself in the process. I am sure Jay would be the first to say that his effort cost him little or nothing other than his time and yet it made him feel extra special and valued.

Go on…go ahead…as it says on my Cool Beans Desktop... 'Do it now!'

Use the Stairs

2007-09-13T07:32:00.000+01:00

So we are back to the topic of keeping fitter and trimmer and losing weight. It is amazing how many people have this desire.

Only yesterday, I had several clients who wanted to lose weight and were looking at exercise methods too; one at the budget end planning to buy an exercise ball and the other considering a cross trainer. I have just Googled cross trainers and the cost is anything from £199 to £899.00 and more.

Can I urge you to consider very seriously before you buy any sports equipment over £20 as in my experience these items are often left unused after the initial enthusiasm. Consider first using what you have to hand.... if you live in a home with stairs…then use them …

So step it up!

Run up and down the stairs (count this as one trip)
Increase the number of trips till you can feel your heart beating
Purchase wrist weights and add these to this simple exercise routine
Complete this exercise routine once a day at first, then increase to night and morning and only then when you have a dedicated exercise pattern consider spending money on expensive equipment that could easily become redundant.

It goes without saying that you must take care on the stairs, work within your own capabilities and consult with your doctor if you deem it necessary.

Use the stairs whenever you go shopping and take the exercise route rather than the escalator or elevator.

Please share any other simple tips to keep us all fitter, healthier and wealthier to boot!

Teenage Trials

2007-09-12T09:56:00.000+01:00

A common topic of conversation in the studio at the moment is how to deal with nasty people and in the extreme – how to handle bullying. Perhaps this is because the schools have started their new terms. Many youngsters are making the transition from primary to secondary education and for some that can be a very difficult time and my clients, the mothers , are looking for support and advice.

Moving from primary to secondary school means you that you go from a being big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big sea with the potential for shark attacks!

Here is a little advice from me - an ex-teacher:

Everybody else in your year is in the same boat. They may not look it, but they're just as nervous as you are.
Moving to secondary school is an opportunity, a challenge… not a problem!
Things are different and all you need to do is be polite, learn the new rules, learn the new ways of doing things and ask people if you are not sure what to do.
Older brothers and sister are useful for advice. If you haven't got any, why not ask the older brothers and sisters of friends?
Your form tutor is available to help you. These members of staff are experienced in helping new students to settle in and they won't mind if you ask them questions.
Some secondary schools send teachers to visit primary schools. If such a teacher visits your school, ask them anything you want. It’s useful to be 'in the know' before you get there!
Some secondary schools have a 'buddy system' or a 'friends system.' If your school has this, then you will be paired with an older student. They will look out for you and help you if you have any problems or questions.

If you are bullied or feel threatened then you need to talk about it! And of course bullying has so many guises. Catriona experienced some really nasty situations in her all-girl secondary school. Cat was a hard working and polite student. Her work was handed in on time. She could see the benefits of a good education. She is also slim, pretty and boys enjoyed her company. She comes from a caring family and she is ambitious to do well in life. This is a profile that attracts petty jealousy and bitchiness and in extreme cases - bullying.

Maybe the horrid situation that the youngsters face today – from vile insulting comments to vicious texts and emails – is actually preparing them for that fact that in life we do meet some very nasty characters. Much as we want to protect and shield our young people, perhaps we should acknowledge that they are in fact learning some life skills that will equip them well for work and real life.

The best tip I can offer is to walk away and not get drawn in to arguments. Find a new group of friends. Change routines so that the ‘nasties’ are not eating and having break periods at the same time and place as you. Avoid confrontation and concentrate on your studies, of course confide on staff and other responsible people, but also acknowledge that things will change when you make some changes too. Use the phrase, “I am not going to allow you to upset me today!” As you practise thinking this way, you will find yourself coming up with fresh solutions. Inwardly smile as you gain self control.

In Catriona’s own words, “Unfortunately bullying has become a part of everybody’s school life lately. I went through it, a lot of my friends went through it, but when I look at the situation now, we are the ones who have come out champions! We are the ones with successful jobs, plenty of genuine friends and happy lives. Those who bullied us and caused us grief are far from being or having any of these things. I like to think it is Karma. I am a firm believer of treating people the way you want to be treated. So, those who choose to make others lives a misery will in turn ‘have a dose of their own medicine.’

For those of you experiencing bullying, tell someone! Whatever you do, do not bottle it up inside. It does wonders to talk to people. I know many schools have a Bullying Policy; make sure you read it. Move away from those nasty people; don’t associate with them because they will only bring you down. Think of how many students attend your school, there will be plenty of nice, true people waiting to be your friend; the best are literally hard to find, you have to go looking!

Don’t ever feel scared, be proud of who you are. Even though my bullying experience was a hard time for me, I never doubted myself or tried to be anyone else. I don’t like the people, who made my high school years difficult, but as I mentioned, I am a better individual, as it has taught me so much. I am a firm, well-grounded person and I am totally confident in dealing with difficult people, and I have the bullies to thank for that! See, there really is a silver lining to every dark cloud!

Finally, although you may not see this at the time, things will get better. Stay focused on your studies, keep yourself busy with extra-curricular activities, surround yourself with great friends and most importantly, be the best at whatever you do and you will surely be a winner!”

Runners' High

2007-09-11T06:42:00.000+01:00

So there we were, chatting away about life and the universe as only a mother and daughter can, when she revealed that she had dropped a dress size all over and that when we met up again, I was going to be greeted by a slim and shapely size 8/10!

Now I love Catriona dearly, however just at that moment….I was feeling very strange and unusual feelings towards her and they were not at all kind or maternal! I am not stupid enough to want to compete with someone, who is three decades my junior – well not in the dress size department anyway – however, what I heard spurred me on to compete with myself.

I had just thirty days to cause a total revolution in my lifestyle….and boy do I love a challenge! Well, that was thirty days ago and looking back I can only say… WoW!

I really never thought that I could or would run a mile! Me? The last time I ran for anything other than a bus was years ago, at Dunoon Grammar School; I had been a very good sprinter, well that was until I found boys and they brought my athletics career to an abrupt halt! Nonetheless, once upon a time I had done some running and I do know the principles of goal setting. So I got started…

Now when I began I did not have the target of jogging a mile…I just wanted to add fitness to my new sensible eating routine and I was a girl on a mission – I too wanted to drop a dress size and not just on a whim, this time I wanted to maintain it for life!

For the first ten days I just walked faster and faster. That was easy…I bought some wrist weights and did some exercises of arm raising and twisting as I walked. That must have made the neighbours laugh maybe they thought I was practising for takeoff and landing. Not that I cared…I was so focused on being fit for Catriona’s return that I did not give a jot what anyone might think. Next I added an evening cycle ride two or three times a week to my activity sheet…only half an hour or so…and not too strenuous.

It was recommended that I purchase a sports bra for comfort. Plus I realised that I had to go at a slower pace – I was no longer the 100 yard sprinter and winner of school medals at Kirn Primary School. I was a jogger!

About two weeks ago, I started to jog a few hundred yards and then each day I just ran a bit further… just one more lamppost…or to another tree …or to the next red car…and so I pushed my stamina levels up and up. I simply focused on the next achievable target. Was I enjoying it? Not really… but I was on a mission remember? I knew I was making progress when last Sunday, I ran further that I had ever dreamed possible! And so on the same afternoon I went out and did it again – just in case it was a fluke! And I was smiling to myself all the way. I was beginning to doubt my sanity. I’d always thought joggers were a bit mad.

Last night, for the first time in my life I jogged from doorstep to doorstep - the distance of one mile! How amazing is that?! I am so delighted and pleased with my success I just had to share it with you… granted when I got back my lungs were heaving, my was face flushed red and the thought of cardiac arrest did flash through my mind. But I had done it!

I’d always thought that jogging was not for me. But now I realise that this was just because I believed that I would not be able to do it. When it came down to a false belief versus a very strong desire it was a light bulb moment… bingo! And I had a need.

I strongly encourage you to raise your bar in the realm of personal fitness, as I feel fantastic! Maybe what I experienced is the ‘runners' high’- the production of endorphins, which make you feel fabulous. Try it! Get jogging! You need to feel as great as I do…

Top-Up Tip

2007-09-10T07:05:00.000+01:00

It is easy to make light of surveys. But in a marvellous example from the Department of the Blindingly Obvious at Liverpool John Moores University, Professor John Ashton revealed on BBC radio this week that "Rock and pop stars are twice as likely to suffer a premature death as the rest of us". Over a thousand people who achieved fame in the 70s and 80s were "investigated", and a number of them were found to be…wait for it… yes… dead. Professor Ashton said "It may be that their drug-taking and drinking excesses, along with their risky lifestyle, play a part in this". Well in the words of another famous Liverpudlian, Cilla Black, “Surprise, Surprise!”

However, we must not always dismiss the obvious, as sometimes its very simplicity and clarity holds a secret key to success….For example, let me share Kyle’s ‘Top-Up Tip’ and explain his basic philosophy to you …

I know that Kyle has yet to take time to read Stephen Covey’s book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. This excellent personal development book has detailed success strategies. Yet Kyle has come up with his own simplified version of Covey’s interdependent relationship chapter. Both Kyle and Covey understand importance of emotional bank accounts.

Kyle lives in Dublin and his fiancée, Sarah in Frankfurt. They often spend weeks apart. Their friendship and love for each other is on a solid foundation thanks to what they call their ‘Top Up’ sessions. They have a commitment to stay in touch with each other every day. They use all communication media – texts, letters, email and occasional bunches of flowers via Interflora. Sometimes they only have a brief window to speak and other times they can talk and talk for hours (thank goodness for Skype and MSN!) They know that it is vital that they keep their emotional accounts full and in credit to allow for days, when they may have to make a serious withdrawal.

I believe this is an excellent relationship tool, when dealing with children too. Kyle and I had such fun when he was growing up. We shared many magical moments. So much so, that I reckon in emotional terms we were millionaires by the time he was ten years old. And this was what kept us together when testosterone hit and Kyle needed to grow up and make his own decisions. As a mother, I found this a very challenging time. We may not be the happy family unit we are today, had it not been for the emotional investment we had made in the early years.

Perhaps our children have modelled themselves on their parents. Their dad at times works overseas and in fact only returned to take on another contract in the Middle East last month. So Jay and I have similar challenges due to the distance, separation and risk factors. We use ‘Top Ups’ too although until today I had not referred to our communication methods in this way.

We are all different and not everyone would or could live their lives as we do. Although one of the benefits as we see it; is that this kind of lifestyle keeps us on permanent honeymoon status and we really do understand the meaning of sharing quality time.

The fact is, the dealer of the deck of cards called ‘life’ is extremely impartial and sometimes it appears that he deals from the bottom. We all have to learn to work with the hand we are dealt and one coping strategy that is worth considering is Kyle’s Top-Up Tip.

The Devil Wears Prada

2007-09-09T08:42:00.000+01:00

Last night, Catriona and I were watching a DVD called – ‘the Devil Wears Prada’. It is a classic comedy drama with a happy, romantic ending. Meryl Streep plays an excellent part – that of powerful and demanding editor of a top flight fashion magazine – who has an unrealistic work ethic both for herself and her staff.

And it made me think of a chance comment I overheard at a speaking engagement recently. It was a reference made about a head teacher, who was so demanding that his staff seldom stayed for longer than necessary. They certainly did not seem to hold him in high regard or with fond memories. He was unmarried and oblivious to the home life of his colleagues; who had family commitments and had been heard to say on more than one occasion, when remonstrating with his staff, ‘Your work comes first…’

How do feel about that statement? Have you ever encountered this sentiment? Do you think it is a valid stance to take?

For time to time, our lives can go off balance. Occasionally, we may have to alter our compass. It is in such situations, I believe, that it is important to establish what I refer to as ‘vertical alignment or… VA’. My personal alignment is

my spiritual self
my family
my work

The Oxford Dictionary’s definition of spiritual is: of the soul or spirit. Wikipedia’s explanation adds: the "path", "work", practice, or tradition of perceiving and internalising one's "true" nature and relationship to the rest of existence

My alignment of spiritual, family, work is my default. And with this as my moral and life compass I can confidently go off road when a situation arises; secure in the knowledge that my VA will kick back in when my life attack is over. You may be thinking…life attack?…well the things happen to us all that can take over our lives for a period of time such as illness, marriage, death, birth, career and work pressures. If you have a solid foundation in your VA then you will cope much better when life attacks besiege you. You will have a safety net in your VA and it will return you to a solid and familiar routine that will comfort, satisfy and support all your needs.

As someone who works within the wellbeing arena…. and also because it is Sunday and a day to reflect and contemplate, May I ask you another series of questions?

Have you taken time to consider your own vertical alignment?
What is important in your life?
Have you got this set as your personal default?

Eilidh’s Top Tips for staying Youthful!

2007-09-08T06:10:00.000+01:00

1. Throw out non-essential numbers

This includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends

Moaning Minnies and negative people only pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are sometimes one of those grumpies!)

3. Keep learning

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening or whatever appeals to you. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!”

4. Enjoy the simple things …list these for yourself…

Visit http://impressionmanagementunlimited.blogspot.com/ for daily positive thoughts, tips and success strategies. See Natural Highs entry on the Blog.

5. Laugh often, long and loud

Laugh until you gasp for breath. If you have friends who make you laugh, spend lots and lots and lots of time with them! Feed on their happy spirits!

6. The tears happen

Endure, grieve, and then move on. LIVE while you are alive.

The only person, who is with us our entire life, is our self.

7. Surround yourself with what you love

Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies or whatever makes you happy. Enjoy your home – it can be your refuge and sanctuary

8. Cherish your health

If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

“If you don’t think it’s a great day, try missing one!” Zig Ziglar

9. Don't take guilt trips

Take a trip to a shopping centre, a car forecourt or even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is - or view guilt differently – G U I L T Y

Give U (yourself) Indulgent Leisure Time Yes! Yahoo!

10. Tell the people you love, that you love them - at every opportunity. Start with yourself! Good Morning Gorgeous!

Back from the Gap

2007-09-07T09:33:00.000+01:00

Catriona started her long journey home on Wednesday. Her route was Cairns Australia to London Heathrow/Manchester Shuttle via Singapore…

She turned up at the airport in good time of course and was extremely excited at the prospect of coming back to UK. Little did she know the drama that was about to unfold. And let’s put this in perspective, here we have a young nineteen year old, slip of a girl, who travelling alone for the first time....Checked in and customs ahead… she is preparing herself for security checks when the customs officer says,

“We need to take you to immigration”…and that is where the story begins…

Catriona knew that her working visa had expired. However, she had been in touch with the immigration authorities by phone on several occasions to get the facts explained to her; you see she plans to work for another year in Australia before taking on further education, so she obviously needs to get it right.

And here is the dichotomy - immigration’s interpretation was very different to Catriona’s understanding… and as they began to read her, ‘Her Rights’ prior to escorting her to the interview room she was in a state of shock! Especially when they told her she was entitled to a lawyer…mentioned a delay of about and week…. she was beginning to panic thinking…all I want is to go home!

“Do you have anything to declare?” the officer asked.

Catriona burst into tears, as she thought on my goodness at anytime they are going to do a full body search and get out the latex gloves! This extensive interview lasted over an hour, whilst immigration ran all sorts of checks on her…from the British Embassy to her Australian employers… and all the time she is thinking…I am not a criminal, I just want to go home…

She regained her composure and started to defend her situation in a gentle, yet factual way. And progress was made; immigration adopted a much more friendly approach. Then they told her that had she stayed just another 72 hours then she would have had a three year ban against her entering Australia! You see, no-one had mentioned that she would need a bridging visa… She burst into tears again! This was turning into a nightmare! Especially since we have already purchased her return ticket for next year! She was almost inconsolable….

Well, obviously Cat eventually got clearance and then was whisked through security…for little did she know the flight had been delayed because of her and 300 travellers were waiting for her to board!

The next part of the drama unfolds, as she gets on her flight, the cabin crew welcomes her. They can see from her tear stained face and red eyes that she is really distressed and in an attempt to cheer her they announce over the public address system that the passenger sitting in row 3D is the only UK resident on the plane and was held at customs for over an hour due to formalities… the passengers were asked to give her a round of applause and to Catriona’s great relief the plane took off…

It is at this point she finds out that she is heading to Darwin not direct to Singapore…oh great she thinks to herself, I am on the milk round and maybe they think I’m a terrorist!

You may be thinking the drama ends here…but you’d be wrong…when Cat gets to Darwin, Qantas do not have a seat allocated to her. There has been an administration error. By this time, I think she is in a state of nervous exhaustion yet, being an absolute star, she quietly states to the check-in agent…Can you help me please, I just want to go home… get me on that plane…And her attitude and personality won through, for at this point Miss Catriona MacFarlane Milnes is upgraded to first class all the way home!

This is kind of spooky as I have always said that we should act as though we travel first class through life …yet I have never flown first class personally…well not yet! And here she is at 19 years of age doing just that. And she liked it very very much... from the lounge where she sat in luxury sipping champagne, to the complimentary back massage and pedicure; to the 747 where she had a seat that turned into a bed, a personal sound and vision system that was like being in her own cinema and service from the a la carte menu - Not to mention the champagne and hors d’oeuvres on arrival!

So thankfully, the story does have a happy ending…and what can we learn from Catriona’s experience?

Always buy a return ticket that falls within your visa deadline – she had purchased a one way ticket
Do not depend on your knowledge and interpretation of immigration laws – get it in writing – ignorance is not a defence
Learn to act in a polite and positive fashion, be transparent with your answers to officials and at the same time transmit your belief that the situation can have a happy resolution

All’s well that end well… and as I close today’s blog entry, Catriona is calling Australian immigration here in UK to ensure a seamless entry back in to the country in seven weeks time…

What You See Is What You Get!

2007-09-06T06:59:00.000+01:00

Dr Gill Appleton and I were talking yesterday. She was telling me about her grandson, James. She is very proud that he has been placed 5^th overall in the National Go-Carting Championships. “Of course,” said Gill, “this isn’t surprising. For quite some time now he has had a caricature of himself on his bedroom wall - in a go-cart and wearing a number 5 on his suit. We’ll need to get him a winning picture to encourage him even more or a positive picture for him to focus on…”

It is vital that we focus very clearly and very specifically on what we want; because visual imprinting and programming works without us even being aware of it. Just think about the the powerful advertising campaigns that have influenced you in the past.

For many years we tried to encourage our son, Kyle to stop smoking. We adopted all the tried and test methods popular with parents – bribery, inducement, physical threats and restriction of privileges! All to no avail…as Kyle was happy to see himself as a smoker.

Kyle then accepted work in Gibraltar and left home…and as he did so he stopped smoking! We set about totally refurbishing his old bedroom, I had declared that a government health warning ought to be posted on his room as it was a disgrace. Little or no cleaning had been carried out there in the previous months and years. As we stripped it out I peeled a tobacco tinged poster from the back of the door and in a flash I thought…gosh no wonder he never stopped smoking in here... every morning he would see these words... "Don't Quit!" in big black bold print (the title of the poem!)

Science hasn't fully explained how or why visualization works. But the fact that it does is enough for most major air forces in the world to invest hundreds of millions of pounds in flight simulators. Frankly, if you're aiming to achieve a major goal, who cares if you know how or why visualisation works - just that it does! So if you are aiming for a big goal then remember the amazing power of visualisation. If you want a deluxe holiday you need to see specific photos of your holiday destination every day, so pin them up on your notice board. If you want a new car then get a precise picture on the fridge door; or carry a copy in your wallet. Remember to be very specific…if you want to own a brand new Mercedes ‘C’ Class then ensure that you display the correct make, model and colour of car so that you get exactly what you want! And put a purchase date on the picture too.

At the side of my computer there is a post card of Dubai. It is dated May 2005. It actually took me to the spring of 2007 to go there with UKTI. Does that matter to me? Not in the slightest as I am convinced that if I had not had a vision to explore options in Dubai in my mind in the first place, I would probably not have a business developing there at all.

Brian Tracy says that, "All improvement in your life begins with an improvement in your mental pictures. Your mental pictures act as a guidance mechanism that causes you to act in ways that make your mental pictures come true in your life."

Let’s go mental…cos what we see is what we get!

Never Break the Circle

2007-09-05T13:11:00.000+01:00

Eileen is a teacher. We met at a recent speaking event. During the session it became clear that Eileen had some personal issues to deal with and at the coffee break we spoke.

She told me that her daughter is a heroin addict with severe addiction problems…so much so, that Eileen has become the official guardian of her two grandchildren.

What on earth do you say when people tell you of these personal tragedies? As a speaker, it happens to me on a pretty regular basis. I always find it humbling that people open up their hearts to me. In this case, I was stunned to silence not knowing how best to proceed… Eileen went on to describe herself as a survivor. She had taken support and sought counselling and found advice from a PADA worker invaluable. Let me share it with you now…the circle concept…

The family forms a circle; a circle that cannot and must not be broken. The family has to link arms, hold hands and stand together whatever happens and at all costs the circle must never be broken. Eileen realised that in the past, when she had gone off to search the streets and alleyways for her daughter she had in fact been breaking the circle and leaving it open and vulnerable. What she had to learn to do was to tell her daughter that she loved her and that she always would – unconditionally. But that she, Eileen had a responsibility to keep the circle intact. Her daughter knows that the circle is there for her too and at anytime she can re-join it and take strength and support from her loved ones. However, she also knows that the circle is precious and fragile and must always stay connected to survive.

What a powerful survival strategy this is – never underestimate the power of the circle. In the case of Eileen, it has been the support mechanism that has allowed her to be another survivor with spirit.

Good to great

2007-09-05T00:10:00.000+01:00

To quote Jim Collins’ words, “People are not your most important asset – the right people are.” And proof of this fact was working with the staff from Horn’s Mill. What an excellent day it proved to be. It was a pleasure and privilege for me to work with such good people.

Anne Doughton had booked me to speak on the topic of stress awareness day at Mollington Banastre Hotel. The location and setting was perfect and this in itself created the right atmosphere and tone for the event.

Anne and her deputy Jonathan realised some time ago, the importance of getting the right people on the bus. They knew that when they got the right people on… and the wrong people off… then the bus would begin to drive itself…

And it must have been so reassuring for them to have confirmation of this knowledge today. Part of the programme was based on a simple profiling technique, which proved to be illuminating and a lot of fun…

You know, the most normal and ordinary thing is for us to see the world from our own perspective; the most extra-ordinary thing is to see life from the perspective of others….and that is what we explored today.

Every behaviour style has strengths and weaknesses. We identified strengths, worked on weaknesses, discovered some motivational secrets, raised the general feeling of self-confidence and awareness and developed a great team spirit. And we focused on going from being good to great…

To paraphrase Jim Collins, I am not suggesting that going from good to great is easy, or that every organisation will successfully make the shift. By definition, it is not possible for everyone to be above average. But I am suggesting that those who strive to turn good into great find the process no more painful or exhausting than those who settle for average.

As Collins say, “Yes, turning good into great takes energy, but the building of momentum adds more energy back into the pool than it takes out. Conversely, perpetuating mediocrity is an inherently depressing process and drains far more energy out of the pool than it puts back in.”

Mediocrity be damned! Let’s all aim to go from good to great!

Speaking from the Heart

2007-09-03T16:58:00.000+01:00

When I give a motivational speech I aim to balance two agendas. The first is to deliver what my client wants - using authentic ideas, energy and enthusiasm. The second is to empower each and every audience member to believe that they can accomplish whatever it is I am talking about. In other words, to make them feel good about themselves.

Today I was in two super schools St Luke’s and Mossley CofE and the common theme of these inset days, was PMA - positive mental attitude. I love this work and entitle it my Cool Beans talk. Cool Beans means – amazing, fantastic and awesome and that is exactly what I encourage my audiences to be.

I want people to walk away from my motivational input feeling incredibly good about themselves. It's more important that they feel good about themselves, than that they feel good about others or me for that matter. Of course, if I can make people feel good about themselves, then they will probably like me, appreciate me, and remember me. But even if they don't, I will do what I believe in and to serve the highest good; to make them feel good about themselves.

Authenticity is simply being honest and real, and being willing to be seen. My stories are definitely original and as I share anecdotes and tales of my life experiences with my audiences my goal is for them to find comfort and develop a rapport with me.

I love the delegates and I am sure that they pick up on this powerful emotion. I encourage them to live up to their potential. So I weave stories and practical tips together with concepts and ideas with positive and empowering comments to let them know that I believe in them.

Empowerment is the secret key and it makes all the difference. And perhaps it is the empowerment piece of the equation that is hardest to quantify.

All I know is that in my case, it stems from my inner belief in the inherent goodness of people. I truly believe that people can achieve incredible things... and that they want to make a positive difference in the world. I let them know that over and over again. It comes across in my motivational speeches and my coaching. It infuses every comment, every challenge and every idea or concept that I deliver.

So my two precious schools that I have had the pleasure in working with today, I hope through the tears and emotional moments, that you realised it was done with faith, hope and most of all… love…

Beautiful on the Drive

2007-09-02T08:06:00.000+01:00

Dave Ainscough greeted his wife, Debbie on the driveway with a cheery; “Hello beautiful!” and I overheard him and thought to myself…what a lucky lady and what a nice man!

So, a few minutes later, when I joined my husband, Jay to have supper on the patio I shared Dave’s comment with him. Of course I rather hoped a similar compliment would be forthcoming for me…not so. Jay was completely noncommittal and changed the subject! And was I a little miffed? Indeed I was…and thought yes Debbie you really are a lucky lady…and I probably wasn’t thinking such kind thoughts towards my own partner for a little while.

Then the incident was forgotten until the next day, when Jay and I were in the supermarket. I was waiting at the check-out and he had disappeared; as I thought to buy a newspaper…not so. When I approached the till, Jay walked up with the most beautiful purple toned orchid and announced to all the people round about, “And this is for beautiful on the drive!” Imagine my surprise and delight. No wonder I love that man!

So here we are on another Sunday, and it is no surprise to me that my thoughts are with my neighbours Dave and Debbie. They are such good people. They actually moved to the village, so that they could be more supportive of their church and the community.

Let’s take Dave’s good example…go now … say a few, genuine, kind words to someone … phone them if you have to… and love your neighbour too!

You know the amazing thing…when you do….it will come back to you ten times over! Happy Sundays!

Maria Memory Tips 1

2007-09-01T07:02:00.000+01:00

Have you ever gone to the top of your stairs to fetch something and by the time you get there…you can’t remember what it is? Mmm sound familiar? I think for time to time we all do this. Perhaps it is because we all live such busy lives and our memory is on over-load… maybe it is a sign of aging, but I am not going to admit to that one! Maria is concerned that her memory is deteriorating and her issue has influenced the topic of the blog today.

If our brains were computers, we'd simply add a chip to upgrade our memory. Because the human brain is more complex than even the most advanced machine, upgrading human memory requires slightly more effort.

Memory can be short-term or long-term. In short-term memory, our mind stores information for a few seconds or a few minutes: the time it takes to dial a phone number you just looked up; or to compare the prices of several items in a shop.

Such memory is fragile, and it’s meant to be; our brains would soon read “disk full” if we retained every phone number we called, every item we ordered in a restaurant, and the subject of every ad we watched on TV. It’s also meant to hold an average of seven items, which is why we can usually remember a new phone number for a few minutes, but need our credit card when we’re buying something online.

We need to make an effort with long term memory because it’s personally meaningful to us (e.g. data about family and friends), or we need it (such as job procedures or course work for an exam), or it made an emotional impression (a movie that had us riveted, your first kiss).

How can we improve our memory?

Here are some Memory Tips for Maria:

Be motivated and keep a positive attitude

Simple yet so important...telling yourself you have a bad memory actually hampers the ability of your brain to remember, while positive mental feedback sets up an expectation of success. So note when you do remember something well and congratulate yourself.

Pay attention

So no multitasking when you need to concentrate. Take on board information in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.

Tailor information acquisition to your learning style

As a professional speaker, I am very aware of different learning styles, in order to make the greatest impact with as many of my audience as possible. Most people are visual learners; they learn best by reading or otherwise seeing what it is they have to know. Some are auditory learners who learn better by listening. They might benefit by recording information they need and listening to it until they remember it. Others are kinaesthetic learners and activities assist them to learn. Involve as many senses as possible.

Even if you’re a visual learner, read out loud what you want to remember; if you can recite it rhythmically, even better. Relate information to colours, textures, smells and tastes. The physical act of rewriting information can help imprint it onto your brain.

Relate new information to what you already know

Connect new data to information you already remember, whether it’s new material that builds on previous knowledge or an address of someone who lives on a street where you already know someone.

Organise information

Write things down in address books and datebooks and on calendars; take notes on more complex material and reorganize the notes into categories later. Use both words and pictures in learning information.

Understand and be able to interpret complex material

Focus on understanding basic ideas rather than memorizing isolated details. Be able to explain it to someone else in your own words.
Rehearse information frequently and overlearn

Review what you’ve learned the same day you learn it, and review it at intervals thereafter. I call this spaced repetition and it is more effective than cramming. If you’re able to overlearn information so that recalling it becomes second nature, so much the better.

There are many other tips such as mnemonics and acronyms, information chunking and the use of humour and stories…these will follow in another entry…

My last practical tip:

Consider taking Siberian ginseng with ginkgo biloba…I do. There are several hundred scientific studies showing the diverse benefits of these natural herbs and improved memory is one of them….the first challenge is to remember to take the supplement three times a day!

More anon Maria

37 Natural Highs

2007-08-31T06:09:00.000+01:00

Laughing till it hurts
A special glance or wink
Getting snail mail
Hearing your favourite song on the radio
Lying in bed - listening to the rain outside
Luxury warm towels on the towel rail
Finding the top you really, really want is in on sale for half price
Chocolate of any kind
A long distance phone call on Skype with video
A bubble bath
Giggling
A good conversation
Any beach - anywhere
Finding money in a pocket or purse that you had forgotten all about
Skipping through Autumn leaves
Laughing for absolutely no reason at all
Having someone tell you that you're beautiful – say hello gorgeous to yourself too!
Falling in love… Your first kiss
Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
Making new friends or spending time with old ones
Playing with a new puppy or kitten
Having someone play with your hair
Waking up from a sweet dream
Swinging on swings
Cuddled up on a coach with someone you love
Finding the song lyrics printed inside your new CD
Running downhill
Making eye contact with an attractive stranger
Winning a really competitive game
Preparing food with friends in the kitchen
Just holding hands with someone you care about
Meeting an old friend and realizing that some things never change
Hugging someone you are fond of
Laughing at yourself
Watching the expression on someone's face as they open your special gift to them
Watching the sunrise…or the sunset…
Jumping out of bed every morning and giving thanks for another beautiful day

Let me know your favourites…and please add more ideas on comments

My extra special favourite today is:

Counting ‘sleeps’

When we have special events in our lives we have developed the childhood habit of counting sleeps and get ups. Catriona is home in just six sleeps. I cannot believe that it is over twelve months since she left for her gap year in Australia. Keep the attitude of a child and look for the natural highs in your life…you will become a ‘people magnet!’…and people will always want to spend time in your company.

Have fun today…I know I will!

SSSS

2007-08-30T07:37:00.000+01:00

I was chatting to Sarah on Skype yesterday and she typed, “My personal question today is: Did you think of your son when you wrote the blog today?” and I replied “LOL! Work life balance? Our Kyle!” - as Kyle seems to be living his life at work at the moment.

Kyle and Sarah got engaged last year.We fondly refer to Sarah as Triple S her nickname stands for Super Sexy Sarah and my future daughter-in-law and I get on so-o well. Sarah is a star! She is in her final year of psychology and we sometimes wonder if she initially chose Kyle as a case study! You see Kyle has a passion for computers and at times almost to the exclusion of everything else. He currently works in the IT industry as a framework architect. This is a new position in Dublin and his challenge is that he does not seem to know, when to leave the office and turn himself off. Ever since birth he has been able to function on just five or six hours of sleep. When he is focused on something he often carries on till he literally keels over. In fact, I have known him to be so reluctant to sleep that as he puts his head on the pillow, he gives an instruction to his sub-conscious mind to find a solution to his problem! (And it invariably works too!Wow!) So Sarah’s comment on the well-being blog entry was very apt. We are all keen to help keep his life balanced and yet he seems oblivious to our appeals.

Do you know someone who loves their job…and seems to spend too much time there? It can be as much a problem for the loved ones, partners and friends as it is for the overzealous worker. In the case of our son, his focus, drive, energy and determination are all admirable, however at times we fear for his health, sanity and personal relationships.

Our solution is we never give up loving and supporting Kyle and at the same time organising things around him so that he has to stop…

In his defence, he does know what he is doing. He maintains that is work style is only while he is developing his career. And to be fair, he does take time off and can play just as hard as he works – for example, when he asked Sarah to marry him, he arranged a long weekend for them in a romantic location. He flew her in from Frankfurt and he arrived from Spain to stay in the most beautiful hotel in Venice. And he proposed to her on her birthday, with champagne, chocolate and flowers in the Jacuzzi!

I guess we can forgive him just about anything now can’t we girls?

We can all live a life off balance for a period of time and suffer no serious repercussions in health and well being, however it is vital that we do a check up from the neck up and ask ourselves…. ‘Why am I doing this?’

You may have noticed the the blog title was SSSS…Kyle now lovingly refers to his Sarah - SSSS – wonder what her amended nickname means? Any suggestions?

Work Life Balance

2007-08-29T06:38:00.000+01:00

A new UK study shows that the majority of owners and directors of small businesses are taking far less leave each year than senior staff in larger organisations. Directors of small businesses say they can’t take two week holidays because their business needs them in the office, they need to be in work to make important decisions or they might miss out on new business opportunities. For those that do make it away, keeping in-touch with the office is still part of the package.

A recent BT "Business Office Anywhere" study found that 39% of owners and directors in businesses with up to 10 employees take 15 or less days holiday a year.

Here is a quote from my web site - "By 2020, W.H.O. (World Health Organisation) predicts that depression (and stress related illnesses) will be the second biggest health issue next to heart disease.
We live in a society, where we have become willing slaves to our work place and many are struggling in this hectic environment to find balance and peace of mind.
Stress in the workplace is at an all time high. We live in a society where emotional distress is at epidemic proportions."

I have developed my speaking and coaching services to offer corporate programmes in response to a tremendous need to create working environments that are stimulating, rewarding and balanced.

Let me share a few snippets with you now:

List your personal commitments in order of importance - family, extended family, friends, relaxation, hobbies or leisure activities.
Break your working day down into categories such as business development, internal meetings, client liaison and so on. Make a comprehensive list.
Allocate time to each activity in point 2 (include weekends).
Look at the big picture. Regardless of whether you think you have any choice, are you devoting too much time to work at the expense of your personal life? If you are and this is causing you anxiety, it’s time to act. Think about what your ideal work-life balance would be.
Look for a mentor/business friend/coach for input
Set realistic goals. If you work 12-hour days, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to change to eight-hour days straightaway. However, improved time-management can enable you to finish earlier - then reward yourself!
Be selfish with every second. Stop doing things that are a waste of your time. Rationalise it and use your time to the maximum benefit.
Improve your habits. We all make to-do lists... Now create stop lists i.e. stop checking email every hour – check it 9am and 5pm... stop watching so much television... stop that extra glass of alcohol...
Delegate tasks to others - learn to let go. If you work alone, consider outsourcing some of your management activities to external suppliers.
Remember to take regular breaks. Removing yourself from the location for some fresh air will make you less stressed, more focused and productive.

Six Survival Strategies

2007-08-28T07:03:00.000+01:00

Do you live too much of your life in the fast lane? If so, then you consider adopting today’s Six Survival Strategies. Having just spent a very hectic weekend on the motorway, I had an insight into what it must be like to be a modern day road warrior. Here are tips to add to your survival toolkit:

Take time to escape to the country – for me a long walk in the woods is an essential part of my life. Visit the Scottish Highlands that is the ultimate retreat – and on a daily basis ensure you create walking time. Make it a routine, a part of your life….
Cycle every day – there are a host of benefits. Like me you could just cycle for fun and fitness or you could consider biking to work… If this appeals to you then visit cycle solutions for good advice http://www.cyclesolutions.co.uk/employee.htm
Light a candle and run a warm bath…even better let someone prepare the bath for you. It is so relaxing to lie and soak in the bath. Make your bath time fun – relive pleasures of your childhood and spoil yourself…let’s go tubbin!
Find a mentor or Coach – the dictionary describes word mentor as: a trusted friend, counsellor or teacher, usually a more experienced person. Many of the world's most successful people have benefited from having a mentor/coach and so can you…

Factoids:

Richard Branson was mentored by Freddie Laker

Aristotle mentored Alexander the Great

Heath Ledger was mentored by Mel Gibson

Eddy Merckx (five-time Tour de France winner) mentored Lance Armstrong (seven-time Tour de France winner)

5. Seek honesty in your life. Is truth an integral part of your repertoire? Avoid what I euphemistically refer to as ‘bovine scatter’. Superficially, honesty means simply, stating facts and views as best one truly believes them to be. It includes both honesty to others, and to oneself and about one’s own motives and inner reality. Be wary of self deception. Be very conscious of what you say in the next few hours…are the statements essentially true? Being honest is liberating…

6. Giggle and laugh a lot…this is sounds so simple and yet it is so good for you. Laugh till your sides hurt and learn to laugh at yourself. My niece, Tracy gave me a lovely compliment, she said, ‘Eilidh one of the things I admire about you is your willingness to laugh at yourself!’ Don’t take yourself too seriously. Go and have a good old giggle…works wonders!

Life in the Fast Lane

2007-08-27T20:01:00.000+01:00

As I came racing down the M6 this evening (observing speed limits of course) I observed life from the fast lane and made a decision that tonight I would chill and slow down.

It has been a fantastic weekend! However the combination of high emotions and hundreds of miles of driving equals exhaustion. Have you ever felt like this?

I have planned my blog topic for you tomorrow – however the decision for this evening is to sit and chill and relax…sometimes we have to consciously move out of the fast lane and take a well earned rest…

A bientot!

Multiple Choice

2007-08-26T13:53:00.000+01:00

Another of Barbara’s fridge magnets says, “The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice!” How true…

The theme of the sermon this morning was that we should dismantle walls and barriers; to bring about change with a turnaround in our thoughts and actions and make to day a day of understanding.

How many of us are struggling to understand what is going on in our civilised society, when we read about the tragic death of young Rhys Jones?

For seven years, I was an external facilitator for the constabulary and one of my main tasks was to address the perception of crime. The Government may well wish to reassure us through whatever statistical sophistry now available, that the chances of becoming a victim have somehow lessened; however in my experience the public are not convinced.

The double tragedy is that fear eats away at our soul - and it puts double locks on our hearts. We need to learn to trust again and be liberated from worry distrust and fear. And take action...

Perhaps a positive outcome from the ghastly death in Liverpool is that we all elect to make contribution, regardless of how small and look up from the pavement and speak out - and back others who do. Our parents and grandparents have done far more dangerous things than tell sulking youths not to kick over dustbins or drop litter.

On a more practical note, could we be involved in projects to help and support families– such as my good friend Jane, who works with the Home Start programme…(Google Home Start or Sure Start for more information)

Let’s all look to see how we can dismantle walls and start a turnaround in our own communities today…

Eilidh in Edinburgh - PSA

2007-08-25T11:10:00.000+01:00

Speaking at the Grosvenor Hilton in Edinburgh last night for the Professional Speakers Association was a pleasure – spending time in the company of likeminded people is always worthwhile and rewarding. There were so many good tips and advice for speakers at all levels. I will certainly be taking on board the tips from Mr PSA Edinburgh aka Kenny Harris. And actioning Garry's Google Alerts idea later this week.

“Professional Speaking is all about making a living from speaking - turning your skill as a speaker into a profitable business. No matter what your current experience ... from 'new entrant' to seasoned and successful international keynoter, the PSA can help you take your business to the next level and beyond” Why not get even more information from the website: http://www.professionalspeakers.org/

However, right now the skirl of the bagpipes is calling me home to Dunoon for the Cowal Highland Gathering. - the world's largest and most spectacular Highland Games. http://www.cowalgathering.com

In haste, aye as, Eilidh

Silver and Gold

2007-08-24T09:30:00.000+01:00

Arthur's Seat is an extinct volcano that looks out over the Firth of Forth. It is relatively easy to climb and the panoramic view is well worth the effort. And this is where I started thinking about my blog posting for you today, as I am up in Edinburgh on business. In the distance, I can see the inky calligraphy of the cranes - the city appears stencilled and scribbled below me in the early morning light.

Did you ever learn the song with the chorus, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold?"

Well I can speak to strangers in supermarket queues and have a new friend in a matter of minutes...I guess I subscribe to my mothers belief - that a stranger is just a friend that you haven't met yet.. However, I never forget the value of old 'golden' friends.

Do you keep in touch with people who matter in your life? It is vital to have networks of family and friends and to stay in touch regularly. I do urge you to make contact today with someone that you haven't spoken to for a while. It will renew the bond and probably make their day into the bargain.

Barbara Robertson and Jane McLaren and I go back decades...and boy did we have a lot to catch up on last night. My aim is always to do business and pleasure when I am on a trip away. We had so much to talk about that, thanks to Jane, we have planned a renuion in early May next year. We will escape to the Cairngorms; to Rothiemurchus Lodge to be precise. We were all there with a skiing party from GSUOTC back in the early 70s. In fact, this is where I met my husband - the gorgeous ski instructor - more of that anon.

I adore the Scottish Highlands and when I return I always ask myself , "Why did you stay away so long?" It is the ultimate escape to have time to walk and talk and think ...and contemplate fresh challenges.

I love fridge magnets - and here is my favourite from Barbara's collection - Real women don't have hot flushes, they have power surges!

So, regardless of your age and stage in life take the power you have in your hands today and move forward...

Just phone that good friend first! And maybe plan a reunion - I am looking forward to ours already!

Survivor with Spirit

2007-08-23T06:45:00.000+01:00

I have several spontaneous clients… they just decide on the spur of the moment to call for an appointment…and I always do my best to accommodate them. Sue is one of those customers. Let me briefly tell you Sue’s story…

Sue has beaten cancer. She had a partial mastectomy a couple of years ago and had all the horrid, invasive surgery that goes with that treatment. Her family history of cancer puts her at risk, so the hospital has been carrying out genetic testing. The findings have concluded that she has an 80% chase of contracting cancer in her other breast and voluntary removal has been recommended.

Can you imagine what this must feel like? I can’t. My heart goes out to the girl.

And yet she is so brave and carries on…she carries on with other challenges in her life too – her husband was made redundant and was out of work for nearly twelve months. He has only just recently returned to work; with all this turmoil in her life Sue has had to be the main breadwinner and mother of two young children.

She came to me for her session and I only hope that I managed to cheer her and support her in her decision, the decision that …on Monday…yes on the Bank Holiday when we are all out enjoying ourselves with friends and family, she will be attending Christie’s Cancer Hospital in Manchester. Sue is electing to have a full mastectomy.

Her comments to me were so brave, “This way Eilidh, I am in control…not the cancer. I am going to have reconstruction work too…” and with a laugh she added, “I’ll probably have a better shape than before!” What an amazing attitude!

There were several times during the session that we both nearly burst in to tears. In fact, there are tears in my eyes now as I type…She asked me not to be too kind to her though, as she was trying so hard to cope…

I am going out for a walk to clear my head…I don’t know why these bad things happen to lovely ladies like Sue. She is a credit to herself, her family and her friends. She is a hero in my eyes and in inspiration. It certainly is a privilege to know that she comes to me for help and support.

I leave you with this poem …The Comfort of Friendship by Dinah Craik - taken from “In the company of Women” by Brenda Hunter PhD

Oh, the comfort-the inexpressible comfort

Of feeling safe with a person

Having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words-

But pouring them all out -

Just as they are -

Chaff and grain together -

Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them

Keep what is worth keeping

And with the breath of kindness

Blow the rest away

Think of Sue on Monday…

Teeth Tips

2007-08-22T06:52:00.000+01:00

Are you embarrassed by your teeth? Are you reluctant to smile for photos? According to BACD four out of five Britons as so embarrassed about their teeth they don’t smile for photographs.

I was at the dentist for a check up this week (am glad to report that I needed no work done other than a visit to the hygienist.) My dentist, Jon Shore asked me about teeth whitening, as I had made an enquiry at my previous appointment.

If I were to go down a route to improve the colour of my teeth, I certainly would have no hesitation in having the work carried out by Jon – he’s an excellent dentist. However, I have decided to follow a more natural approach first of all -“The White Smile Diet”. It has been devised by BACD – an organisation which promotes cosmetic dentistry in an ethical and educational fashion. Check out www.bacd.com for the full report.

Here are some simple ideas to brighten up your smile...my seven smile secrets...

Eat more raw vegetables – they help to remove surface stains on your teeth
Strawberries naturally whiten your teeth – and they give an attractive pink tint to the lips
To avoid staining and reduce your intake of red wine, coffee, soft drinks with strong colouring such as cola and sadly blueberries too - of these quickly stain the teeth
Sip through a straw – this reduces the contact with your teeth
Sugar free chewing gum can help stimulate saliva, which naturally cleans the surface your teeth
Baking powder can help to remove the build up of stains. It is recommended that twice a month you brush baking powder on your teeth as you would toothpaste and then rinse.
Don’t smoke – it stains your teeth - and in the long term will damage your gums

I would add a further tip:

Wear lipstick or lip gloss or balm. All of these products will enhance your smile and make you feel much better about yourself into the bargain. If you suffer from dry or cracked lips then first use a lip polish and follow with a nourishing quality lip balm - apply several times a day.

And have the confidence to smile it makes you and everyone around feel so much better! Go on….find someone to smile at now….even throw in a wink …and a laugh ...or chuckle… and let me know the results!

I’ve just smiled at my computer…and you know…I think he likes me!

Save 10%

2007-08-21T08:11:00.000+01:00

On my desktop for positive people called, Cool Beans it says, “Save 10 % of all your income streams...”

This blog post idea came to me last night, when Catriona sent me a text asking me to electronically transfer another £50.00. Mmm ….perhaps a gap year in Australia and living apart from her mother means that our darling daughter may need ‘input’ and to be reminded that when she left she had the reputation of being excellent money manager!

And the Save 10% maxim seems a truism in today’s world, where the financial press is talking of major debt in the US – in its sub-prime sector. Now I am a simple lass with a good Scottish heritage of thrift woven into her basic character. Until this week I had never heard of the sub-prime sector and would not propose for a moment to advise on worldwide economies. However, I do understand straightforward profit and loss accounts and run my own company.

To quote Charles Dickens in Mr Micawber, “"Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen, nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."

And as my quotation Cool Beans quote goes on to say, “Money is a tool… learn to be a craftsman…”

Save 10% is the yardstick that our children have been brought up on. Even when Kyle was working on a friend's farm milking cows as a young lad of twelve he was encouraged to save 10%. Even Catriona’s tips from Crewe Hall Hotel had a levy of 10% and we asked no less of ourselves. We overpaid on our mortgage by 10% for many years and yes you guessed…we no longer have mortgage…just imagine how good that feels! And anyone can be debt free …it only takes a plan and determination and 10%!

It may not always be easy however the result far outweighs any short term discomfort. And if the save 10% maxim becomes your life standard then you can prepare yourself for an amazing abundance.

I know that I cannot change the international money markets…however if we all aim to have “more month than money” then who knows maybe together we could influence a financial revolution!

As a non-expert, I knew that I needed more knowledge too – and so that is why this year Jay and I decided to take independent financial advice.

My Save 10% Tip today is – seek the advice of an independent financial advisor, perhaps one like Douglas Morrison, who came with a good recommendation. My brother-in-law, Jackie Muir, is a successful and wealthy man and he referred me to Douglas. Perhaps your bank or building society has recently offered you a financial review and that is a place to start, however that report will only reflect the products and services of that financial institution. So be independent and look for sound advice and compare the facts...

What good money tips do you have? Can you offer golden nuggets that could help us all?

Let me start another ball rolling (see Kath’s comment on Bouncy Black Ball)

Look forward to reading your tried and tested, simple money/energy/time 10% Tips…

In the Press - Just do it!

2007-08-20T06:05:00.000+01:00

Kerry-Anne Clancy of the Sentinel Newspaper rang on Friday. She wanted to interview me for the business women’s section, Sentinelle. What a coincidence, as earlier in the week I had taken a call from Jo Kingston from GNN (Government News Network) to do with an article to be published in the UKTI's next Win Win magazine! Jo wanted me to be a case study based on my work in Dubai. How cool is that…never been an official case study before…

Both journalists were thoughtful and asked,

“Do you want a call back or are you happy to do it now, Eilidh?”

Ever eager, I replied, “Happy to go for it now, if you are…” as spontaneity is my speciality.

Plus in my experience, editors are always on tight deadlines and appreciate if you can accommodate them straight away. Both Jo & Kerry-Anne were very professional and made the interviews easy for me. They asked lots of searching questions and let’s face it I am a girl who speaks for a living, so it was great fun to supply the material for them. Good job they can both write fast!

I will post the press releases on the web site then you can read them at your leisure. (Sentinelle is due out on Tuesday and the United Kingdom Trade & Investment publication is due at the end of October.)

Kerry-Anne’s last question was,

“Do you have a short phrase or words of encouragement to anyone reading the business brief, Eilidh” …and my response was…

“You Can Do It!”

So whatever it is you need to do today just go for it and do it now…you know you can!

Let me know what you have decided to do…and if I can help in any way…just ask.

Look forward to reading your comments.

Race4Life

2007-08-19T05:40:00.000+01:00

Today is Sunday and the day of rest in a Christian life. You may not be a Christian however I do hope you have a spiritual aspect to your world and set aside time to reflect.

I start every day by counting my blessings. Here I am doing it now…

If you have a blessed life then it is only right and proper that you look to ways that you can share your good fortune with others…and this makes me think of Edna.

Edna started as a ‘virtual client.’ She contacted me by email and arranged an appointment. And I am so grateful that she did, as Edna has proved to be an inspiration! She has been instrumental in me running in Race for Life, which is the UK’s biggest woman only fundraising event organised by Cancer Research.

And that was three years ago…and when I count my blessings I include Edna. She is a very special lady, who does so much for other people. Edna started competing in 2004, when she had recovered from breast cancer. Edna is a survivor with spirit. She is also an organiser, so now her good friend Gill and I are entered in the competition, supplied with our packs, tea shirts and this year she even planned a picnic in the park for after the race…and submitted all our donations online!

I can totally recommend taking part in the event. It is an emotional as well as physical experience that leaves a lasting impression. Races take place all over the country. Just Google ‘raceforlife’ and find out more. Plan now to ensure you get involved next year. Incidentally, you do not have to ‘run’ - many women walk.

However, there are lots of other ways that we can contribute to making the world a better place…I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions. Tell us your story.

And take a few moments to contemplate… life is a journey to be savoured…and may your God be with you today.

Bouncy Black Ball

2007-08-18T06:53:00.000+01:00

Never thought that I would buy an exercise ball…the fact that I did so within a matter of hours proves the power of a good recommendation…

I first met Kath, when I was running an inset training day at her school. Sometime later she came to the Studio for Colour Coaching and I am now pleased to count her as a good friend and so much more than a client.

Kath has a waist to die for…in fact a figure to die for … she’s a very pretty, strawberry blond ‘spring’ lady…and yesterday, when she called for cosmetics, I asked her what her secret was…

Let me share Kath’s secret of a slim waist with you now…

Kath has balls…well in this case an exercise ball to be exact…

Poor lady has had severe back problems over the years, culminating in major surgery earlier this spring. So I was right in my initial statement that this girl has guts! She has been through the mill with her spinal challenges. So, I reckoned that if Kath could manage an exercise routine using a big bouncy ball so could I. Let’s face it she has a tummy as flat as an ironing board and for health reasons if no other that is something to aspire to! (See Blog entry - Take the Tummy Test)

Never one to hang about, I was off to town to purchase mine within a couple of hours…Kath did mention in the passing that worst part was pumping up the ball…and she wasn’t joking either. It must have taken me and bicycle pump more than thirty minutes to inflate the darned thing.

I am sure it will be worth the effort. So that was my extra exercise for yesterday.

Will keep you posted as to how me and my big black ball get along…and maybe Kath will post regular comments and words of encouragement and tips for all us ‘ball novices’…

My goal sheet which is posted on the back of my bedroom door, keeps reminding me every morning… “Fit as a flea for Catriona’s return!” - Just eighteen days, I am a girl on a slimming / trimming mission!

Do you have exercise ideas to share? Stories of success or failure with exercise equipment…we would love your comments…

Time for a Style Revolution

2007-08-17T07:56:00.000+01:00

When I qualified as a teacher, twin sets and pearls were in vogue in fact this was probably the mandatory dress code. That was decades ago! So it's time to ditch the twin sets! Are some parts of your wardrobe in a time warp? Have your cosmetics passed their shelf life?

If so, it’s time for a serious review. Time to tip all your clothes on to the bed and only put back the items that you have worn in the past twelve months. The outfits remaining on the bed can probably be donated to charity, especially if they do not fit or are the wrong colour.

No doubt the twin set will in time re-invent itself and return in a new and improved version, but now is not the time. Maybe the Italians or the French will embrace it and bring the outfit back with panache? Perhaps ‘Pringle’ can re-invent its brand like ‘Burberry’ which has witnessed outstanding success recently.

Fact is when we think of British fashion what do we tend to think of? Tweeds, cashmeres, tartans and twin sets…Certainly I think this is how foreigners see us. Of course British fashion is much broader and more adventurous nowadays and we do have excellent designers such as Jasper Conran, John Rocha and Paul Smith to thank for much of this.

Now you were born an original... so why die a copy? Let's create your own personal style and 'brand.' Be yourself and love your life and who you are.

Catriona sent me a book of 'Pocket Positives' from Australia. (we have not seen our daughter for over a year now! And this little book has been a joy to keep me upbeat.)

Here is a Zig Ziglar quotation taken from it:

“Our problem is that we make the mistake of comparing ourselves with other people. You are not inferior or superior to any human being…You do not determine your success by comparing yourself to others, rather you determine your succes by comparing your accomplishments to your capabilities. You are ‘Number One’ when you do the best with what you have.” Zig Ziglar, America motivation author.

If you need help to create your own unique style and image then contact an expert.
Impression Management Unlimited is here to help. Look forward to hearing from you...

PS Catriona is home in 19 sleeps and get ups!

Hot Air & Cake Crumbs

2007-08-16T14:28:00.000+01:00

It's one of those phrases you don't easily forget, "Hot air and cake crumbs". Delivered with exasperation well over a decade ago by a German friend and colleague of mine when we were both living in the south of France, working at IBM's telecommunications research laboratory, not far from Nice. Horst Garus took great pride in his studying of language and was particularly proud of his idiomatic use of English - however, this particular phrase came out of the blue - and yet Horst delivered it with such belief that I automatically integrated it into my own idioms as if I'd been using if for a lifetime. He explained later that it was a literal translation from German and he just assumed it would work - and I'm pretty sure that if we took a poll across our readership right now, we'd have close agreement regarding its meaning.

Why not post a comment telling us what you think it means?

Some of these literal translations work better than others. For example, I used to wonder why French parents referred to their children as "... my little cauliflowers...", until I remembered my own Mother coming up with "...chicken-lamb-kins..." (or however it's supposed to be written).

And the point of all this?

The point is this: communication's a funny thing, because every day we're presented with a dichotomy. On the one hand we are required to be very precise in our use of language in order to ensure the correct meaning is transmitted, while on the other, what appears as border line waffle gets the precise message across nicely.

Did I know what Horst meant when he labelled a fellow colleague's efforts as, "hot air and cake crumbs"? You betcha. And did I know who "chicken-lamb-kins" was? You betcha.

However, over the next couple of days and just for a bit of fun count the number of times you find the possessive apostrophe incorrectly applied - my pound to your penny that it'll outweigh the correct usages and I think that's pretty sad.

"Eats Shoots & Leaves" by Lynne Truss should be compulsory reading for all.

Wide Awake at Three o’clock in the Morning…

2007-08-16T14:18:00.000+01:00

I wonder how many students were concerned and worried about their exam results today.

Have you ever lost sleep due to anxiety or a feeling of uneasiness?

We have all spent a restless night or two; however we do not want to make it a habit.

Perhaps six times a year, I have less sleep that than I normally do. I have found that trying to get to sleep seldom helps. However, I am not a natural worrier so this situation does not concern me. I accept that on these occasions I am maybe only going to have four hours sleep. I get up – I do not want to disturb my husband. I make a cup of tea or milk drink and sit quietly. Occasionally, I read other times I type an email and often I sit quietly and write. Sometimes, after a while I feel sleepy and return to bed; at other times I stay up all night knowing that I can take a power snooze of twenty minutes in the middle of the day.

Coaching clients from time to time report that they have sleeping problems.

And so here are Eilidh’s Six Sleep Tips for You:

Think happy thoughts. Read a positive page before you sleep. Avoid late night news and violent TV programmes. I was talking to a client recently, who had had a horrid nightmare. It had involved a young child and a bus. The news that day had been full of the tragic death of a little girl, whose parents had beaten her so badly that the coroner’s report stated that her injuries were similar to a child that had been run over. It was no coincidence that her dream reflected her uppermost thoughts before she went to sleep.
Look at the big picture and do not worry about incidentals over which you have no control.
Talk over any worries that you have and clear your mind. Ask yourself: "What are the odds against this thing's happening at all?" Use the law of averages to counteract your problem.
Use visualisation – imagine the worry as something that you can put in a box…do just that…close the lid ...and bury it!
Write down all your issues and troubles until you clear your mind.
Set a time limit. If you are determined to worry about something, then agree a time in your mind. Say, ok I will worry about this for three minutes. Then refuse to give it any more time and then bury the thought.

Goodnight and sweet dreams!

Take the Tummy Test

2007-08-16T05:44:00.000+01:00

For many people, the middle-aged spread is as much a part of getting older as laughter lines, and receding hairlines. But research suggests that even the smallest of pot bellies may be a serious health risk. The Times August 14^th page 2 has a very interesting article. The headline reads, Tummy test signals heart risks ahead.

“Dr James de Lemos said: “In our thirties and forties, we often gain three to four inches in the midsection. It’s a day-to-day, meal-to-meal battle, but it’s worth fighting. We don’t have to clean our plates. It’s better to throw food out than add it to our waists. Even a small pot belly puts us at higher risk when compared to a flat tummy.”

He added, “Researchers examined the relationship between body shape and early signs of disease in the arteries. They found that the likelihood of there being calcium deposits in the arteries grew in direct proportion to the increase in waist-to-hip ratio.

June Davison, cardiac nurse at the British Heart Foundation, said: “People who are overweight or obese have an increased risk of developing heart disease. The risks are even higher when fat is mainly concentrated around the abdomen.”

And I agree from the point of creating a good impression too. It is very important that we take a holistic approach. We need to consider our overall body shape and general health and well-being as well as our weight.

Take the test:

To calculate your waist-hip ratio, use a tape measure to find the size of your waist (measure at the mid-point between the bottom of your ribs and the top of your hips) and then measure your hips.
Divide the first number by the second.
For men, a healthy ratio is under 1.0 and for women it is under 0.85
Above that point the higher the ratio, the more your heart is at risk
A man’s health is also at risk if the circumference of waist is more than 37 inches (94cm) and at a high risk if it exceeds 40 inches (102 cm)
For women these figures are 32 inches (80cm) and 35 inches (88cm)

"Come on Mel, let’s get out the tape measure and stand of the scales; draw up a diet plan and exercise routine. We can do it!" Wish us well!

PS And guess who lost another 1lb! Happy Days!

Daughter keeps mother thinking thin!

2007-08-15T08:05:00.000+01:00

Mel made an appointment for Friday. “I need to do something about my weight and my waistline,” she stated. “Can you help me Eilidh?”

“It would be a pleasure,” I replied. I know how she feels!

Our daughter, Catriona returns home from her gap year in Australia as a size 8/10. How nice for her! I have not seen her for over a year now and she left at a 10/12 - a very beautiful rounded, curvaceous yet trim nineteen year old.

Now I know it says on my goal sheet:

Be as fit as a flea for Cat’s return …

But that was written in January and I seem to have lost my focus. So I am on an exercise and weight loss regime for the next thirty days and it is going to be great to work with Mel. We will support and motivate each other. Catriona is encouraging me and sends a daily text. Today’s suggestion was that I do more housework and hoovering! Don’t you just love that girl!

My actions thus far:

Taking a brisk walk early each morning and bike ride in the evening (each activity lasts about 20 twenty minutes)
Decreasing carbohydrates such as bread, potatoes - less brown rice and pasta too
Increasing proteins such a fish, chicken and steak
Eating lecithin with E as it acts as a natural emulsifier of fatty substances and kelp as it is important to the thyroid gland in helping to regulate the body's metabolic rate

Have already lost three pounds!

No doubt this loss has been aided by the fact that I have cut out wine, chocolate and deserts…yes, you guessed…my husband, Jay is off on his adventures again!

Log on tomorrow and read what the experts say and take the test...

2007-08-15T08:04:00.000+01:00

Waitrose & Woodward
And Associations

Do you ever read a magazine starting at the back? Some cultures that do of course, however Western publications assume that we will start at the beginning with page one. Well, I often work in reverse and flick through starting at the back.

Recently, I was reading the 100^th Issue Special Edition of the Waitrose Food Illustrated. I popped it in my trolley, because there was an interview with Edward Woodward on the inside back page of the periodical. Our family has a happy and positive memory of Mr Woodward, so I wanted to read the article -good marketing on behalf of the publishers.

When our son, Kyle was nine years old he wanted to earn some money for his first computer. After discounting newspapers deliveries, car washing and garden tidying due to poor remuneration, he opted to be a model.

“Get me in to that!” he announced one day, as he sat amused and entertained by a young lad on a TV commercial for Trio chocolate biscuits.

“He earns lots of money for doing that doesn’t he?” asked our number one son. (We only have one son!)

When Kyle was reassured that yes, he, Kyle Parlan McArthur Milnes, would be paid handsomely for appearing on TV he made a further announcement that he was going to model on TV!

"Get me into that now, mum!" he announced.

And guess what? Two years later he was on TV! He was invited by MMA to model Harrods' exclusive suits for young men on the Good Morning programme. He was very excited to see himself on the television and loved the whole experience. We were very proud of him. He was so confident and capable for one so young. And it was at this event that Kyle met Edward Woodward. As a result , the Milnes family has a very happy, positive association and memory of spending time in the company of this well known British actor.

What do people associate with you? Are you a premier brand like Harrods? Do people bring you to mind and think …quality…first class…great… kind...caring..loving...
When people remember you ten years from now what will they be thinking?
Most importantly, what do you want people to think of you…remember you were born unique so don’t die a poor copy!

Kyle certainly is an original. He started his first computer business at seventeen and I know that when people think of him they think…talented, creative, hard working, focused and fun to be with…and of course very handsome…but then he was associated with modelling for Harrods now wasn’t he?!

They last question the magazine interviewer asked Edward Woodward was, “What would your last meal be?” My last questions to you are in a similar vein,

“What will people associate with you? What will be your lasting impression?”

2007-08-15T08:03:00.001+01:00

Pity Parties
And doing things differently

I have been taking care of my customers for over fifteen years. I like to do things differently. My clients are very special people…they may not be on the A-list; however they are all stars in my eyes and I treat them accordingly.

Not many therapists welcome clients into their homes…but I do. When you walk into the sun lounge studio the mood is bright and cheerful. You are offered chilled filtered water, coffee or a fruit tea. Or as in the case of Helen - a hot chocolate with double cream! And perhaps we share a joke or two, or talk about our families, holidays and shared experiences.

My mother was a very grounded individual and her unconditional love has given me a great feel and love for life. I never get down in the dumps. I am very upbeat. Stuff happens to us all. We all get what I call ‘life attacks’ so we just have to get on with our situations. When things go wrong, I talk myself back in to my space…my own happy unique space. And then I can share my happy spirit with others.

I like to think that an appointment with me is ‘an emotional experience’ for my customers. My aim is to deliver a first class service with the professional ear of a coach. I offer stability; a safe environment where customers can share their news and views and address any concerns in total confidence. For me, this is very important.

If a client leaves me feeling happier about themselves and laughing… then I am happy. If they go away with relaxed faces, looking good and feeling great, then I have done my job. My loyal customers become friends and they tell me that coming to the Studio is more like visiting a close confidante than a therapist or colour coach. In the words of a Lorna, a delightful client, “Eilidh makes me feel like part of her family!”

Clients have all sorts of personal issues when they walk through the Studio door. And at this moment in time I am thinking of Gill… and so many other girls like her. Their dream is to be a mum. Not too much to ask surely? And yet, for some reason motherhood eludes them. All of their circumstances are different, as are their backgrounds however they share the same deep desire to be pregnant.

This seems to be a much more common complaint nowadays. There is good treatment available and perhaps it does add some reassurance to know that other women have the same challenges. However, I find myself saying; “There but for the grace of God go I.”

It is a very hard road to go down. And Gill has been on her path for eight years now and getting panicky if not desperate, as this could be her last attempt at fertilisation.

During Gill's session, we talked and talked. My key coaching points to her this morning were:

Avoid pity parties

Avoiding negative people who want to add their woes and troubles to an already burdened soul is essential. This is doubly hard for Gilly as she is a very giving, kind and thoughtful practitioner working within the NHS. She needs to be selfish for a few months, to say ‘no!’ at times and to focus on her own needs.

Do not feel guilty

Gill feels guilty as she does not have the energy or time that she has had in the past to give to her aging parents at the moment. So we made an acrostic for guilty!

Give

U – yourself

Indulgent

Leisure

Time

YES! Yippee! Yahoo!

Why not bear this in mind next time you feel inappropriately guilty? Look at guilt from a different perspective.

It works for me…and many of my clients...

And a final thought, it says on my Cool Beans ™ Desktop, “It is a privilege to be a parent…” these words seem so true, when I meet clients in Gill’s situation.

Let’s wish Gill and all the girls and guys, who just want to me mums and dads, all the best of luck in their pursuit of parenthood.

2007-08-15T08:00:00.000+01:00

Ghostly to Great in Four Simple Steps

“I feel as white as a ghost,” said Sally. She was in the Salon for some pampering. Well I say pampering; does a leg wax fall in to this category? What do you reckon? Mmm on reflection a debateable point perhaps? Although when she walked in with a support on her left leg from ankle to knee I did wonder if she was in for a leg wax i.e. in the singular!

Fact is, Sally needed a pamper treatment as she is still on crutches after a series of mishaps. She suffers from a bone condition similar to that of brittle bone and in the years that I have known her she must have had 6 or 7 breaks. I am frankly amazed by her positive, chirpy outlook and it is always a pleasure to see her.

Going back to the ‘ghostly’ title, Sally felt that she looked pale and tired. She requested a repeat of her foundation. We decided to do a colour test to ensure the correct shade. Sally was happy to leave at this point…

However, not so quickly lady… Eilidh loves to play with cosmetics… and I had time before my next client… so we applied the self defining sheer shade of ‘Cameo,’ which is perfect for a Summer/Cool skin toned client….then a little all over lustre bronzer applied with a superb Kabuki brush and topped off with a gloss stick in a pink shade called ‘Wish.’

Result in less than five minutes? Cool Beans baby!

And Sally looked ghostly no more! She appeared radiant and happy. Her partner, Dave
( ds@dsphoto.co.uk) who is a photographer said,

“Wow! You look great, Sal!” And he is a professional!

So it you want to look great as opposed to ghostly in less than five minutes then it is a four step process:

Ensure that your skin is moisturised (assuming it is already cleansed and toned!)
Apply a light covering of a self defining and sheer foundation
Add an all over application of a skin-toned bronze
Top off with a gloss lipstick in the correct shade for your seasonal colour

2007-08-15T07:49:00.000+01:00

To Colour or not To Colour?

That is the question... (Today, I am moving all 5 entries from my web-page www.yourcoolbeans.com)

So to that question...

Yesterday I called a client, Rita...
Rita like many other new customers came to the Studio as a direct result of a super two-page centre spread article, which the 'Sentinel' newspaper had run on our business. We had not spoken for sometime and I had a particular promotion that I wanted to share with her.

Lawther Murchison is a first class colour coach, who works in the Studio with me. Clients adore her! She is caring and professional. When we first met Rita, she was very confused about what best colours to wear - poor lady had been colour analysed a number of times with different results. It was our job to reassure and explain in detail what she needed to know.

Rita had a specific issue with the colour of her hair. It was turning what appeared to be grey and she did not know what to do for the best. Her challenge was that hairdressers were doing full head colour and over the years there were not many shades she had not tried! The result was total confusion and hair that needed TLC! Lawther has a great deal of experience with hair colouring as until very recently, she had her own salon situated within one of the top hair dressing establishments on the West Coast of Scotland. She suggested low lights with an ash base as Rita suits cool based colours.

As a cool or winter seasoned person you can enhance of hair colour to emphasise and dramatise the natural colouring of your hair - always remembering to avoid gold, red or copper tones.

The challenge is the time that it takes to undergo the necessary changes and not everyone can bear the somewhat painful process. Well done to Rita, apparently she is now a stunning silver and I can't wait to see her again. So bear in mind that the rewards are definitely worth it!

I know this only too well. My personal experience goes back fifteen years. But that is a story for another day....

Handbags and Hip Bones!

2007-08-15T07:37:00.000+01:00

Confidence, Image & Style
10 August 2007
Some time ago, I was speaking at a conference in the Lake District. The topic was 'Confidence, Image & Style!'

During the presentation we covered such areas as my 'Top Ten Tips' to make the right impression every time...
I recall making a kind of through away comment i.e. "Your handbag should always fit inside your pelvic bones!"

And I cannot believe how many delegates picked up on the statement! It gets quoted back to me time and time again.

The reasoning behind this fact is that a small framed person cannot successfully carry a large bag or briefcase...unless you want that item to make the statement and been seen first. Most men and women want to see and be seen as themselves - not as the person who was carrying a huge black bag! (a new context for the bag lady?!)
So larger people - larger bags....smaller people - smaller bags. Simple guideline.

Proof of this was? When brand Beckham landed in America and Victoria was first seen giving her interviews; her handbag was way out of proportion and her over-sized pink bag is all I can really remember of the photograph. Not what she would want me to commit to memory I suspect.
Perhaps her thinking was that the big, statement, oversized, brand named bag added style - Victoria certainly has her own unique personal idea of that. Maybe she thought it made her looked thinner as this appears to be an issue with her. Not so.

For most people a good yardstick is - if the bag or briefcase fits within the pelvic bones then the image created will be one of balance. You want to wear the handbag and be the dominant impression - not vice versa. Who would want the handbag to be wearing them?

From the point of health and wellbeing it is also sensible to have a smaller bag or case - if you carry less you will have less wear and tear on your back.